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Second Quarter of the Race
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    The other teams, finding that their resent water crossing methods had been costly and dangerous, decided simply to do the whole ferry thing.  Lucky for them team kittens had run into a little trouble in Darwin.
    Seeing as they had some time to kill, team kittens was on their way to Marrara Oval to see a Melbourne's Western Bulldogs Australian Football League game.  But before they could get there they were stopped by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).  PETA was very angery with team Kittens because of Latisha.
    "You leave my Latisha alone!" Cason yelled, stepping forward.  JTR and Jorge restrained her.  Aparently Latisha had been part of an experiment were people were merging animal brains with motor vehicles.  Latisha had the brain of a dog infused into her system.  PETA had tracked down and killed every other surviving result of the experiment except one... Latisha.
    Just as PETA was about to try and take Latisha a freak accident occured.  A pride of lions came running down the street ignoring everyone except PETA.  PETA ran from the lions shouting, "We'll be back!  Good kitties, go away!"  Team Kittens booked it back to there hotel and decided to lay low for a little while.
    In the hotel team kittens decided that they would go to the zoo, RJ wanted to know what kind of things the Darwin zoo had in it.  They were slightly let down because they missed the lions, who had just escaped.  RJ was mad and he said “Darn I was hoping to see some lions.”
    The rest of team kittens yelled at him and all asked “How did you miss the pack of lions that chased PETA?”
    RJ had a blank stare and said “No, but I did give that guy from PETA the keys to Latisha.”  Immediately they turn to RJ and said “Wait, you gave the keys to PETA?”
    “Yeah he said he was from people for the environment treatment of automobiles, I figured he would make our car run on ‘freedom fry’ oil or whatever, you got to protect the environment,” said RJ.  So Team kittens ran out and found Latisha gone, thankfully JTR noticed a sign saying that PETA’s Australia office was in Adelaide, Jorge was trying to work out how to get across the Australian outback when JTR went up to a ticket booth and got 5 tickets and told them “We're hopping a train, and according to the rules we have to drive a car into Sydney, our car happens to be in Adelaide, we can take the train because I checked the rules which states in some fine print that if your vehicle is stolen you can take a train to get it back.”  So team Kittens boarded “The Ghan” and headed to Adelaide.  The other teams showed up during kittens trips through the zoo, and their discovery of the gone Latisha.
    Teams MIB, Silence, both tree teams, and AHF all have gotten involved in the Darwin Beer-can regatta, and are all pleasantly plastered.  Team Sheriff's Car has accidentally landed on Casuarina Beach, which is a designated nudist beach; the team immediately get stuck in an awkward silence.  But soon they drive off the beach and get to a road and head out of town.  Team 2XW started to drive out of town but they suddenly see a faint spot in the distance, they stop the car and look out, Savage says “Hmm it looks like environmentalists, they must be having a parade or something, it seems to be moving fast.”
    Jerry takes out some binoculars and yells “That’s not a parade that’s PETA being chased by lions!”  At this the whole team breaks out in a laugh, thinking about how ironic that is.  As Peta/lions get closer 2XW decides that they might need to get going, but suddenly their car dies.  It seems that one part that happened to be from 1929 happened to be the cars battery.  They immediately shift the car into neutral and start pushing the car, not wanting to lose 2 cars in a row, but sadly Peta/lions picked up a lot of ground and are now almost on top of 2XW.  They decide to hop in the car and lock the doors.  PETA rushes past them, and to 2XW’s surprise they get into a quickly pulled up Latisha, the lions soon take notice of 2XW in the car and are trying to get at 2XW.
    Team T&T has arrived in some weird twist at the Great Wall of China; they took out a map and realized that the Great Wall of China is way to far away from Australia.  So they turned around.  Team Sheriff's car has pretty much sped all the way down the Darwin to Adelaide road, and got to wave at team kittens on the train, which was stopped because some aborigines wanted to sell them some watches and cell phones.  So Sheriff's car is once again in the lead arriving at Sydney.
    As Team Kittens arrive in Adelaide, they are surprised to find a "Save the Kittens" festival going on.  Cason and RJ headed over to watch a Kittens Beauty Pageant while the others stepped over to the Kittens Cabaret.  There were all kinds of kitten things going on.  There was a kitten parade, kitten race, kitten follows the bouncing ball contest, and a kitten catch the mouse contest.  The team walked around and came together at the kitten parade.
    While they were watching the parade, they started discussing how they would fine Latisha.  Just then they saw her.  She was in the kitten parade.  Cason said, "I have a plan.  Everyone grab a hand full of kittens.  RJ, you and Jorge come with me to the other side of the road. JTR and Tom stay on this side. When I give the signal, run towards Latisha and throw the kittens on those naked PETA people riding Latisha."
    Cason, RJ, and Jorge made their way through the crowd and to the other side of the road directly across from JTR and Tom.  When Latisha was in between them, Cason let out a loud yell and they all headed for Latisha with kittens in hand.  All of this sudden activity scared Latisha and she jumped really high.  When she landed, the PETA people fell out and Team Save the Kittens was able to jump right in and speed away.
    Meanwhile, Team 2XW is trying to figure out how to deal with the dead battery when they see a farmer on a wagon being pulled by a team of 4 mules.  They all look at each other and without a word, run towards the farmer and ask if they could borrow the mules.  The farmer said, "NO."
    "Why?" asked Mike.
    The farmer said, "These are special mules. They can run really fast."  Jerry and the others looked at each other and said "This is just what we need.  Can we buy the mules from you?" 
   The farmers said, "I might be willing to work up a trade."
    Stingray says, "Hold on, just what are you thinking?"
    The farmer says, "I would like one of those wrestling belts."
    Jerry says, "I don't know, we will have to talk about this" and they huddle up.
    As Team 2XW huddles talking about if they should give up the belt the farmer becomes impatient.
    "So are you going to give that thing to me or not?"
    Jerry turned around and stared into the farmer's eyes., "This is not just a thing!  It is a Wresteling Championship Belt!"
    The farmer shrugged his shoulders and mumbled, "I don't think I'd be getting my money's worth out of that piece of crap anyways."
    Jerry's eyebrows raised and he began to shout, "You'd be honored to take this belt, cause only the greatest wrestelers can have this!"  The farmer turned as if to leave, but Jerry pulled him back.
    "Here take it!"  The farmer took the belt and a wide smile came across his face.
    "Thanks mate!" he said then ran off.  Jerry stood there stupified, and angery because he had just been out witted by an Austrailian farmer.
    Meanwhile Team Kittens was parked on a side road just outside of Sydney.  They had to catch their breath because of all the excitement.  Cason was layin on Latisha's hood crying and wiping all the dirt off of her that the mean PETA people had got on her.  RJ was standing next to Latisha trying to convence Cason that he had rescued her, so that Cason would forget that RJ had lost Latisha in the first place.
    JTR and Tom were watching Jorge stalk prey on the outback.  This was made difficult because of all the kittens meowing.  See when Cason had told eveyone to grab a handful of kittens to throw at the naked people on Latisha, they ended up scaring Latisha and they didn't need to throw them.  So now Team Save the Kittens had about 82 kittens (RJ hid some in his coat and hat, and Jorge hid some in his pants).  Eventually Jorge caught a wild steak dinner and Team Kittens sat down around a campfire to eat.  As it got darker and darker out Team Kittens noticed little red pin pricks scattered across the landscape.
    Jorge nodded and said, "Other campfires."  Eventually Team kittens started singing, they didn't hold back, they really poured their souls into their music.  It was a lovely sound to hear with the sound of Latisha's engine and kitten's meowing in the background.  Just as the song was about to end Team Silence came out of the darkness scaring Team Kittens.  They all had their fingers to their lips.  After a moment they srank back into the darkness.  Team Kittens sat wide eyed for a minute, they began talking again, but quietly.  They told stories of shooting JTR experiences and things.  Soon they decided to have a little fun.  They decided to stop worring about the race for one night to play tricks on all the other racers camped in the outback.  They all put on dark clothes and they quietly tip-toe to the nearest camp site.
    Team Kittens got closer and closer to the next campfire.  It took them a surprisingly long time to get there because they tip toed all the way there, except for RJ who couldn't tip toe quietly if he wanted to for some reason.  He blamed it on not having any cushiony snow to soften the blow of his snow shoe size Canadian foot.  As TSK got closer and closer to the next fire they came to a startling conclusion... the team they had snuck up on wasn't there.  Apparently, unbeknownst to TSK, all the other teams could also see everyone elses campfires and coincidently decided to play jokes on the other teams.  What was even more odd was that the campfires happen to be in a big circle and everyone moved counter-clockwise in search of another team. This event kind of shut down any thoughts of pranks due to disappointment, so TSK quietly tip toed back to their camp fire, once taking them longer than it should have.
    When TSK arrived back at their campsite they discovered something horrible.  For the team that was there had not been disappointed by TSK's absence, but instead reveled in it.
    "Someone ate my pourage!" cried RJ.
    "But RJ we didn't have any pourage," Jorge said.
    "Well that would definitely explain why it's not here," RJ said with a sigh of relief.  At this point the team, in a completely unplanned act of synchronization, turned to Lateisha and Cason hit the ground.
    When Cason finally came to she was horrified to see that what she was hoping was all a bad dream had become a reality.
    "Those dirty bastards.  Those damn dirty bastards!  How could they?  Why would someone do something like this?  HAVE THEY NO HUMANITY?!  WHHHYYYYYYYY!!!  WHY!  WHY!  DO I NOT HURT?  DO I NOT BLEED?  WHY WOULD THEY?  WHY?"
    TSK stood around trying to figure out the best way to jump into her monologue.  JTR finally built up the courage to say, "Uhhh gee Cason wha- what's goin on?  There aint nothin wrong with Lateisha."
    "WHAT'S WRONG!?" a fire began to burn in Cason's eyes, "WHAT'S WRONG?  I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG!  LATEISHA IS A YELLOW STRETCH HUMMER!  DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A YELLOW STRETCH HUMMER TO YOU?!  HUUUH!!!!"
    JTR knew he was going to have to use his wits about this, "Well uh no no of course not!  Dang blasted how could anyone be so cruel?" he said very shakey and uneasy.
    "THANK YOU!" Cason exclaimed.
    "Uh hey yeah," Tom popped up, "really I'm trying to go with this, but I just don't get it.  Sorry."
    "YOU DOOOOOON'T GET IT! WHAT IS SOOOOO HARD TO GET THAT LATEISHA IS A YEEEEEEEEELLLLOOOOOOOOOWWW SSSSSTREEEEEEEEEEETCH HUUUUUUUUUUUUMMEEEEEERRRRR!  THAT IS NOT A YELLOW STRETCH HUMMMER THAT IS A SUNFLOWER STRETCH HUMMER!  YELLOW, SUNFLOWER, YEEEEELLLLOOOOOOOW, SUUUUUNNNFLOOOOOWWWER DO THOSE TWO SOUND ALIKE TO YOU!  HOW COULD THEY THOSE DIRTY BASTARDS! SOMEONE IS GOING TO PAY DEARLY," with that said Cason was off.  TSK all looked around at each other, shrugged their shoulders, an said, "Go get em Cason." The team decided it was time to hit the hay and it would be best to let Cason blow off some steam.
    Cason finally stopped after running out of breath.  She was far from the camp by now and wandering in the dark, by herself, in the middle of the Australian out back.  She remembered she had a flashlight and decided to use it. When she pointed it at the ground she saw nothing, but when she turned it on she could see something very peculiar.  There was splashes on Sunflower Yellow paint on the ground, as if someone had been running with a can of it. She walked on a littler further and found more and more.  She looked up and they pointed right to a tiny campfire off in the distance and again Cason was off.  She moved with the speed of El Foot Grande and the silence of a Mikahobo, before she knew it she was right up on them and they didn't even know it.  To her surprise she found the very proud and porky Sheriff Charles.
    "Hooooooo buddy we sure got that Cason.  She thought she was all top notch wit that yella stretch hummer, well it ain't yella no more.  Hee hee hee," Sherrif Charles squeeled.  He was beside himself with the whole ordeal, "Ever since she run off and joined that hooligan JTR, my sworn enemy and enemy of the law, I been wantin' to git her back sooooo bad.  And guess what I finally did it.  She'll never know it was me who painted her car up Sunflowir Yella."  A strong wind began to blow so hard that the campfire went out.
    "Oh yes I will."
 
    Cason walked back into camp right as the sun was coming up, "Everyone in the car now!" TSK jumped up like soldiers for a general and were in Lateisha without a word said...except for RJ.
    "I think sunflower is a good look for La-"
    Cason butted in, "I hope you're not plannin on finishing that sentence the way I think you're gonna finish it."
    "La-, La-, uh...ladders.  Sunflower is definitely a good look for ladders.  That's what I was gonna say, honest," RJ fearfully said as he sank lower into his seat, "ladders uh huh ladders."  The group said nothing after, not even RJ.
    The sun was up by the time they passed Sheriff Charles, who had yet to start back up, and the TSK noticed that not only was the deluxe the same color as Lateisha, but so was the Sheriff and the rest of his team.  Cason slowed down and the team watched Aja EL Rojo magically extract a paintbrush from the Sheriff's hine ding.  They laughed inside but not out still fearfull of Cason's wrath, but not even she could help but crack a smirk.
    As all the craziness was taking place out near Sydney, team 2XW found themselves pushing their vehicle through Tennant Creek.  They stumbled into town in the early morning and fell asleep on the car.  When they woke up they found themselves the center of the town's attention.
    "Welcome to Tennant Creek, the Northern Territory's Heart of Gold!" boomed the town mayor, "It's quite an honnor to play host to a team of racers from the great Lucas Film Race!"
    "What?" Owens, and the others, were a little taken aback.
    "Why, we've been following the race rather religiously.  It's been the talk of the town." answered an old man.
    "Yea, and havin' you guys pass through is like a dream come true!" came the voice of a young girl.
    Just then there was a rumbling off in the distance.  All the town, and team 2XW looked to the horrizon.  Suddenly a white blur came speeding through the town.  It came to a screeching halt on the far side of the little congrigation that had formed around 2XW.  It was a white VW microbus.  Girl Taylor stuck her head out the window.
    "Hey, this isn't Sydney!" she exclaimed.
    "We musta took a wrong turn at the pride of lions fighting off the evironmental conservationalists." added Guy Taylor.
    "Hey, Taylor!" screamed Adonis.
    Taylor and Taylor looked and noticed team 2XW.
    "Hey, Jerry!  What are you guys doin' here?" Guy Taylor replied.
    "Our car battery died, can you help us out?"
    "Just pour some of that there Chinese white lightnin' in your tank it'll make you fly." Taylor bragged as he reved the engine.
    Borden got mad, "That doesn't help us if the battery is dead!"
    "Hey you guys better get moving you don't wanna be in last place!" and with that team T&T hit the gas an were gone again.  Team 2XW hung there heads untill the mayor began to talk again.
    "We have just what you need to be on your way."  The mayor snapped his fingers and the towns folk leapt onto the car.  Before team 2XW could argue the vehicle was whisped away.
    "What did you do with our car!?" Stingray yelled.
    "We are going to fix it up for you," replied the mayor, "In the mean time why don't I show you around town."
    As all this was going on team Kittens was entering Sydney.  Cason was driving with a wild look in her eyes.
    "Um, maybe you better slow-" Tom started.  But he was cut off by a crazy look that Cason shot in his direction.  "slow down..."  Cason brought Latisha to a screeching hault right in front of Lucas' race corespondents who checked off team kittens.  Then Cason peeled out and headed in the other direction back toward Darwin.
    Sheriff Charles and crew were still trying to clean off the paint when suddenly a white flash went zooming by that blew all the paint off them an onto a nearby herd of Kangaroo.
    As team Kittens was exiting Sydney that same white blur flew by blowing all the dried sunflower paint off Latisha.  At this Cason stopped the car and got out to see what had happened.  When she noticed that Latisha was Yellow once more she fell to the ground in weeping for joy.
    Team T&T, however, over shot Sydney and wound up in the middle of the ocean, skipping like a stone across a lake.
    Back in Tennant Creek, team 2XW was finally being brought back to there vehicle.  The locals had fixed it up real nice.  They had even given it a flashy new paint job.  But their favorite part was the big bold letters on the side that read "2XW."
    "Wow!" exclaimed the team.
    "Isn't she a beaut!" remarked the shop owner, "anyway, that'll be ten hundered thousand."
    The team turned toward him.  "Dollars?" asked Borden.
    "No, cigarette buds.  Yes, Dollars!"
    The team didn't have any money.  However just then David Owens came walking in.  He had snuck away from the tour of the town to go fossicking for gold.  In his hands was a pure gold nugget the size of a microwave oven.  David walked right up to the new vehicle.
    "That'll make nice payment for our services to you." remarked the mayor.
    "The hell it will." answer Owens.  Suddenly the nice happy faces on all the town folks turned to evil hateful looks.
    "Oh, I think it will." said the mayor in a low devilish voice.
    "Uh, guys," said Savage, "why don't we get outta here."  At that they all lept into the 2XW Mobile and hit the gas.  The town folks persued barring pitch forks and tourches.  Team 2XW continued to run from the angery mob untill they came across the Devils Marbles.
    "I've got an idea, stop the car!" yelled Jerry.  They hopped out and stood next to the two giant boulders.
    "Look!" came a voice from the mob, "they're gonna break the Rainbow Serpant's eggs!"
    Team 2XW pushed one of the giant rocks and it went rolling down the hill at the angery mob.  Unfortunately they just stepped outta the way.
    "Well, crap, that didn't work." remarked Stingray.
    As the mob turned to start up the hill after 2XW, there came a loud crack.  Everyone turned back to the boulder.  It shaddered to pieces and a giant Rainbow colored snake fell out.  There was a breif moment of silence as the snake shook it's head and opened it's eyes for the first time to see the light of day.  2XW began to slowly get back into the car.
    One of the town's folk approached the serpant, who looked down at the human with a warm soft glow in it's eyes... before biting the person in two.  2XW peeled out as the people of Tennant Creek began to fight off the Rainbow Serpant.  At least they were on the road again and back in the race.
    On their way back to Adelaide (not wanting to try a road they haven’t tried) team STK ran into a very strange road block. By strange I mean when Cason ran into it with Latisha it stopped her, didn’t hurt her just stopped her. When they got out of Latisha to move the road block, eight Peta members, four of whom have bandages and are crying about being attacked by lions, but the other four happen to be graduates from Chuck Norris’s school of awesome martial arts. Team STK was about to attack when suddenly and even more ironic a group of (native to the Adelaide area) Koala bears jumped out of the middle of nowhere, immediately latching onto the peta peoples faces.
    Somewhere in the deep reaches outside earth, a brain scanning screen popped up in the death star, Lucas spun around slowly in an evil dark fashion. Spielberg quietly walked over and asked “what’s up George?” Lucas in a not so dark tone said “look we’ve got a strong blip on the brain audio monitor, it seems to be coming from close to team kittens”
    “Ohh well turn it on” said Spielberg as a dark caped figure slowly stepped to the side of Lucas.
    “Play the audio” This is a condensed version of what they heard: “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh theres a freaking koala bear on my face get it of of mee geeettt itt off off meeee, ohh god why! We only want to protect . . . hey that’s my nose, stop chewing my ear. . .”
    “Ok ok turn that off” said Lucas, Spielberg noticed another blip this one coming from team 2XW, Lucas simply touched a button and the blip went away, “all wrestling ideas go to Vince.” The idea that was picked up was another long silly and rather dumb storyline by Borden. Who by the way has somehow managed to, without incident, arrive in Sydney. But just aftr the rest of the teams arrived.
    Team T&T has somehow bounced all the way to New Zealand. Team Kittens after being grossed out by the vicious Koala attack are making a mad dash back to Darwin. Team SC has by now tried to get going, but they try their car, it starts up but instantly sounds like it broke, the team gets out and they start coughing, and saying “ugh it smells like moose piss, and bacon” meanwhile Team STK inside Latisha, RJ is asking what happened to his keg of Moose Piss. Cason just smiled and rubbed her hands together and said with a evil looking sneer “I'm sure Sheriff Charles knows by now.” But Cason was driving and they felt a ‘bump bump’ they stopped the car, walked back to see what it was they hit. And then they saw him, lying in the middle of the road was Willie Nelson.
    Once again Lucas’ screen blipped and a deep voice said “’coo cah’ he should not have been playing on the road again ‘coo cah’” with this Spielberg, Lucas, and the possible Darth Vader laughed. Team STK is within sight of Darwin, and Team SC as finished siphoning their gas tank and have fueled up enough to get them to Darwin. . . hopefully.
    As STK pulls into Checkpoint 12 at Darwin, all 82 kittens that are still in the car, begin to meow.  The kittens are meowing so loud that they have to stop and get out and when they do, all 82 kittens run in a straight line to an alley.  Team STK follows them and watch as they go into a storm drain.
    RJ looks at the others and says, "that was weird."  The others agree and they head back to Latisha.
    Meanwhile, Sheriff Charles and his team have been making their way to Darwin with nothing but mischief on their minds.  Despite the fact that they painted Latisha and deserved what Cason did to them at the camp.  Sheriff Charles felt like the Moose Piss was carrying it too far.  He just happened to know that one of the three boxes Team STK still had from the Mountain experience, would cause Team STK to be delayed for 24 hours.  He also knew that there was one box that would do something to help Team STK win the race.  The only problem was, he didn't know which one.  While Team STK was chasing kittens down the alley, Team SC came into town and found Latisha.  Sheriff Charles put on his Gorilla mask to disguise himself and snuck over.  He immediately found the boxes neatly stacked in the back of Latisha.  He looked them over trying to decide which one to open.  There was nothing to indicate what was inside and shaking the boxes didn't help.  With his usually hap hazard way of doing things, he picked one and proceeded to open it.  When he pulled the top open, he saw something that made his hair stand up and his mask fly off.
    Meanwhile, Team 2XW got their car running good and are making up ground fast.  They are going so fast that they nearly forget to stop in Darwin.  As they pull into the checkpoint, they see Team SC and STK all at the back of Latisha and there is one more situation happening there.  They decide to move in for a closer look.
    Team 2XW pulled up in front of Latisha, all seemed to be quiet so they couldn't help but stop.  Walking up to Latisha, Mike Savage, David Owens, Stingray, Jerry Adonis, & Jason Borden found that Latisha's doors were shut and locked.  They stood on top of their car to see inside the front windshield.  They noticed that Latisha's windshield wipers were on, this confused Team 2XW so now they were desperate to find out what was going on.  All they could see through the windshield though was Sheriff Charles sitting in a lawn chair drinking something.
    David Owens couldn't take the suspicion anymore so he went to Latisha’s door and put a wide smile on his face and asked very nicely, "Latisha will you please open up the door for me?"
    Latisha blushed slightly and slowly opened the door for Team 2XW.  David jumped in and ran to the back of Latisha.
    Apparently when Sheriff Charles opened the box, he found that it was kind of like the bag that Mary Poppins had.  It had a lot of stuff in it and it didn't seem to have a bottom.  Curious, Sheriff Charles reached in with both hands and grabbed the first thing he felt.  What he pulled out was a bug zapper, a 12 pack of beer, and a lawn chair.  Excited, Sheriff Charles plugged in the bug zapper set up the chair and cracked open a can of beer.  Soon after Sheriff Charles got set up TSK came back from following the kittens.  They asked Sheriff what he was doing but all he would say was, "Grab something out of the box!"
    So when Team 2XW got there Sheriff Charles was still amusing himself with the bug zapper, RJ was playing with a paddle ball, JTR was trying to catch an illusive chicken with the combination of poke-a-balls and a net with a hole in it, Tom was trying to figure out how to play with a gadget whose directions where written in Japanese, Anson and Goodyn had managed to handcuff themselves to the ceiling fan after they had played an extreme game of cops and robbers, Jorge was playing with a toy lawn mower that spits out bubbles when he pushed it, Aja El Rojo was wearing a skirt and twirling in circles, and Cason was trying to get everyone to stop acting like an idiot.  When she saw Team 2XW come in she walked over to them.
    She explained, "Yeah they pulled all of these things out of that box."  She pointed to the box.  "Jimbob fell in when he reached into the box and none of us could pull him out.  All I pulled out of the box was some windshield wipers. These guys have been distracted for 5 hours already!"
    Team 2XW decided that they needed to pull something out of the box too.  So they all walked over to the box and reached in at the same time.  They pulled out a photograph.  Everybody instantly stopped and looked at Team 2XW.
    Meanwhile Team Save the Silence is in the lead on its way to Singapore, Singapore with the other teams close behind.
    Back in Latisha Team 2XW was studying the photograph.  As they looked across the ten faces they started to recognize them.  Going from left to right the people were Michael Dell, Phillip Anschutz, Amir Jaber Al-Ahmed Al-Jaber Alsabah, Steven Ballmer, Sheikh Zayed Bin Sultan Al Nahyan, King Fahd Bin Abdulaziz Alsaud, Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah, Paul Allen, Warren Buffet, and William Gates III.  They were all drinking Martinis and Mr. Gates was holding a map that was clearly visible, it was a treasure map.
    Suddenly everyone went crazy, kittens jumped in all the windows and there was a big fight over the photograph.  In the end Team 2XW still had the map.  As they ran out of Latisha Borden shouted back to everyone, “Bring it on!”  That statement will forever go down in history as the statement that started the 24 hours war.
    TSK stood and watched 2XW run off with the map... they watched them run off with the map right into a wall.  Then they walked over and took it from them.  They hopped back in Lateisha and were off with 2XW right behind and SC behind them.  TSK, rather than studying the map, decided this chase was a little bit more fun.  They picked up the box with the endless amount of stuff in it and began reaching in for things to throw.  Jorge pulled out a boulder and threw it out the window, but it was so big that the two teams saw it coming and dodged it easily.  Cason pulled out a spike strip and threw it, but she forgot to open the spikes so it had no effect.  Tom pulled out the english version of his gadget instructions so he decided to pull something else out, he pulled out a grenade.  The only thing was the pin was no where to be found, so after a slight scream of terror from TSK he quuickly dispursed of the grenade.  2XW was close enough that it didn't go off on them, but it caught SC.  Aside from the shrapnel messin up his car it shredded the tires and they came to a stop very quickly.  Tom felt bad so he pulled out four new tires and threw them out too.
    JTR said, "Oooh ooohh my turn my turn."  He reached in and pulled out a bag that contained 3,458,190 eggs (it was a big bag).  TSK took turns tossing eggs at 2XW and with all those eggs it took a couple of hours.  RJ finally got his turn, but at the same time he reached in and grabbed he felt someone tugging on his foot.  He thought nothing of it and pulled.  He pulled himself out of the box.
    "Whoa what are the odds of that," he exclaimed and following suit with his team he threw what he pulled out.
    2XW by this point was covered in egg and to make matters worse they now had a big green jacket Canadian flying right at their windsheild.
    "Ultimate Hyper Power Quantum Super Check!" The mushroom cloud be seen for miles and it's radiation later caused millions of birth defects, 99.9% were reported as having babies that come out saying, "Wika wika."
    Team Save the Silence was steadily making their way toward Singapore with the rest of the teams, save for TSK, 2XW, and SC.  All the teams were met by Singapore customs agents and directed to stop for inspection.  The 3 hour inspection had all the teams very flustered, but they all made it through ok except for T&T.
    "Stop right there," a Singaporian agent said to Guy Taylor.  "Do I smell what I think I smell?"
    He rplied very nervously, "Gee I don't know what do ya smell that you think you smell?"
    "Hey I ask the questions around here.  Now about this smell that I think I smell could it be what I think it is.  It is!"
    "No it's not."
    "Yes it is!"
   "No it's not!"
    "Yes it is," he reached into Guy Taylor's pocket and pulled out a stick of gum.  "Ahah! I knew I smelled gum. Don't you know this is illegal here?"
    Girl Taylor chimed in, "Gum?  That's it?  Man I thought you smelled the big sack of we-"
    "Candy!" Guy Taylor said as he covered Girl Taylor's mouth.
    "Candy?! You got some candy I want some candy," Girl Taylor shouted.
    "Yeah me too," said the agent.  By this time another hour had gone by and Taylor was against a rock and a hard place, "Man I would give you some both, but I just remembered Team MIB stole the bag from us while were all stopped here in line.  Yeah I know you guys had your heart set on it, sorry."
    "Wait they did WHAT?!" the agent shouted.  He picked up his walkie talkie and called in for MIB to be picked up immediately.
    MIB was found not far from the inspection site.  They had seen a nice looking candy store and decided to stop.  When they came out with their bag of candy Singapore Police had them surrounded.
    "Slowly step away from the candy!!!"  Team MIB realized they were outnumbered but not outgunned.
    "I'm not goin out without a fight sir," one MIB said to the other.
    "Then let's do this sir," he replied.  They each reached for their noisy crickets, but before they could pull them out Singapore Police fired over 3 million rounds into them.  This took a while because they had to keep reloading and letting their guns cool off and stuff.  Another blip on the radar back at the Deathstart stopped blinking.
    Back at the inspection point T&T was still sitting around.
    "Sir I think this belongs to you," a Singapopre agent said as he handed Guy Taylor the bag of candy that happened to be soaked in blood and covered in gunpowder.
    "Wow thanks so much... you found... my... candy. Well gotta get goin now see ya," and T&T was off.
    The smoke from the mushroom cloud that had resulted from RJ's Ultimate Hyper Power Quantum Super Check back in Australia was just starting to settle.  Team Kittens, 2XW, and Sheriff were all begining to recompose themselves.  Nine hours have passed since Sheriff Charles first opened the box of 24 hour distraction.  For a moment they had all forgotten about the photograph with the map.
    No one was really hurt.  Sheriff Charles' Deluxe had a few cosmetic flaws that had resulted from the gernade but nothing serious.
    "Is everyone okay?" JTR asked as the three teams began to stir.
    "Yeah," came Jorge's voice.
    "We're good," followed the voice of Stingray as he checked on his team mates.
    "I think we'll be fine." replied deputy Anson.
    "Don't speek unless I tell you!" yelled Sheriff Charles, "I think we'll be fine, JTR!"
    "Anyone else?" JTR called out.
    "HIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" came the reply.
    "Um... what was that?" whispered Cason.  As the rest of the smoke drifted away and all fifteen racers laid eyes on one of the most amazing yet frightening sights ever seen.  There before them in all its beauty and splendor was the Rainbow Serpant, and behind it an army of Tennant Creek citizens weilding pitch forks and tourches.
    All three teams turned to get back into there vehicles but realized they were surrounded.  An army of PETA members stood at the ready on the other side of them.
    Thinking fast David Owens stepped forward and said, "Hey, you want that gold nugget?  You can have it."
    The mayor of Tennant Creek spoke up, "I think you owe us a little more after trying to get our newest friend, the Rainbow Serpant, to try and kill us."
    "Well, that didn't work." remarked RJ, "hold on."  RJ stepped toward PETA.  "You guys can have Latisha if you want!"  RJ was suddenly struck in the back of the head by a rather large rock Cason had fast pitched at him.
    The head PETA leader stepped forward, "We are here to take Latisha, and that map photograph.  The treasure it hides should be great payment for the pain you've caused us."
    "Hold on!" shouted the mayor of Tennant Creek, "I believe that photograph is going with us.  We have to rebuild our town and construct a home for our latest tourist attraction."  At this the Rainbow Serpant cocked its non-existant eyebrow at the mayor who shrugged at the giant snake.
    "We may have a slight problem here." said Jerry Adonis.  But no sooner had the words escaped his lips than there was a sudden rumble that erupted from the 24 hour delay box.  Everyone turned toward it to see the most bizzar sight.  Jimbob came bursting forth from the box riding the lead rhino in a very Jumanji like stampede.
    All hell broke loose.  The Rainbow Serpant struck, the Tennant Creek folks attacked, the PETA members assaulted, Jimbob and the stampede ran aimlessly, and the three racing teams fought for their lives.
    The fighting raged on for a good eight hours and no one had gained or lost any ground.  RJ was stumbleing around the battle field when he bumped into Aja the Red.  She startled him bad enough that he spun around and knocked her over.  She landed on the ground with a sickening thud and her bright red cape and mask fell off.  RJ's eyes widened with shock.  It wasn't Aja the Red after all... it was his wife, SkyCam.
    "SkyCam?" said RJ.
    "Sorry," she said looking up at him, "I had to make sure you finished your honeydo list, and Sheriff Charles wouldn't let me come along for that reason, so I had to dress as Aja the Red to get to come along."
    RJ's heart skipped a beat and time seemed to slow down, "You did all this just for me?"
    "No, just to make sure you did my honeydo list!"
    "AWWWWWWWWWW!!!!  That's so sweet!" RJ's heart was fluttering.
    Unfortunately the bright red cape caught the eye of the Rainbow Serpant.  It turned with evil eyes toward SkyCam and came down for the kill.  RJ leapt in and with a sudden burst of strength and caught the snake's jaws with his bare hands.  He tossed the snake and gave a loud, "Swish, Swish!  Ultimate Hyper Power Quantum SuperCheck!"
    Again a mushroom cloud became visible for miles around.  The Rainbow Serpant was blown to bits.  And the battle was settled briefly.  Ironically the three teams had not been affected by the second SuperCheck.
    "Hey guys!" shouted Sheriff Charles, "I think one'a deem der other boxes is supposed to be a help box!"
    "Why didn't you say so earlier!?" yelled everyone else.
    "Quick," JTR commanded Jorge, and Cason, "Get to Latisha, and open that other box!"  The PETA members and the Tennant Creek folk had begun to stur as JTR, Jorge, and Cason opened the other box.  Nothing happened.
    As the two armies closed in there suddenly came a rumbleing from the 24 hour delay box.  A giant tornado came raging out of it that sucked up PETA, the Tennant Creek people, the photograph of the map and basically everything else that had come out of it.  When it finished the help box began to glow and suddenly began to suck team Kittens, 2XW, and Sheriff toward it.  It sucked them through a mistical portal.
    When the noise and lights of it all settled the three teams looked up.  They were all in their respective vehicles.  Charles' Deluxe was good as new.  As a matter of fact all three vehicles were side by side.  Sheriff Charles was at the wheel of the Deluxe, Cason was at the wheel of Latisha, and Savage was at the wheel of the 2XW mobile.  They all looked around and then straight ahead.
    A very startled Singapore Customs Agent was standing there wondering how three vehicles had just appeared out of thin air.  Suddenly it dawned on the teams that they were in Singapore and they all hit the gas.  RJ waved at SkyCam through the window and she waved back.  Although it was hard for her to wave because Deputy Anson and Jimbob were on either side of her bouncing up and down on the seat in excitment.  The moment passed for now as all the teams are back in, and focused on, the race!
    The Teams in the lead were already loading up in boats when team 2XW got to the port.  Team Kittens and SC got tangled up because of a rogue quarter on the road.  2XW passed T&T on the way; it looked like they were on a severe sugar rush and were running around in circles.
    When 2XW pulled up, Jerry told the rest of the team to get their stuff on the boat.  He had things he needed to take care of.  Jerry figured that if he kept teams STK, SC, and T&T from getting a boat he would slow them down a good bit.  He first went to the remaining captains and pulled out a very large Singapore cane and threatened to hit them with it if they took any of the remaining teams across the Bay of Bengal.  Most of the captains were very willing to comply.  One of them needed some proof so Jerry cracked him in the head.  That was enough proof for him.  Soon with all the Captains thoroughly threatened team 2XW set off towards India.
    Meanwhile: inside the death star Lucas and Spielberg are rather happy that Team MIB was taken out.
    “It looks like we have a chance to take one of the main teams in the Bay of Bengal,” Said Lucas.
    Spielberg replied, “How do you want to do it George?”
    “Tell Vader to take a unit of troopers and bring team 2XW to me” said Lucas.
    The Teams crossing the bay had been making good time.  Most of them were going to bed for a little bit of a nap.  Jerry Adonis was sleeping, but then he woke up.  Borden had been making noise almost all trip, he kept getting seasick.  Jerry laughed and thought, “ugg why did we bring him?” and then walked to the railing to get a smoke.
    He calmly stood there smoking.  When he finished he stood and took in the Ocean air.  The night was nice and calm, and quiet except for the occasional sickly noises from Borden.
    Then suddenly, Jerry started to hear something.  At first it was kind of like a low hum, then he noticed that the crew of the boat were hurrying around, strapping things down, securing ropes, making the ship look presentable, and also clearing a large part of the deck.
    Jerry ran over to one of the crewmen and asked, “What’s going on?”  The crewman spouted out something, but Jerry could not understand it.  Had he understood what was said he would have been very upset, but he figured that the crew was setting up some kind of inspection or something so he didn’t worry about it.  Then the humming got louder and right in the middle of the deck a ship that looked like an Imperial Shuttle landed.  Jerry had hidden just a few minutes before, and could clearly see about ten storm troopers get out of the shuttle.  Followed by a dark ominous figure, Jerry knew immediately who this was.  The Crew immediately ran towards them in an attempt to meet their new visitors.
    Jerry heard Vader ask, “Where are the racers?”
    The Captain of the ship told them, “They are in the cargo holds of the stern.”
    Vader said, “Thank you captain.”  Vader walked back to his men then said, “I am sorry captain but this ship and every one on it has just become a tragic loss at sea.”  Before the captain could even say anything the troopers opened fire.  All of the crew lay dead on the deck.  Vader then turned to his troopers and said, “Search the ship, I want them taken alive.”
    Jerry knew this was not good, mater of fact his immediate words were, “Oh shit.”  He ran to get the team up and ready to fight.  But sadly for jerry the troopers covered the ship much faster than he hoped.  They burst through the door and shouted, “Hands up all of you!”  2XW had no choice they had to give it up.
    With an armed escort they were brought before Vader who said, “Gentlemen it would be an honor if you would join me, my master wishes to see you.”  With that Vader lead team 2XW into the shuttle.  As the shuttle lifted off and was heading into the clouds, the team looked back and in the few fleeting glances 2XW saw the boat explode and sink beneath the waves of the Bay of Bengal.
    Back at the Port, Teams STK, SC, and T&T are trying frantically to find a way across the Bay.  Every boat captain they approach suddenly turns and runs away.  After the 4th boat captain runs away, RJ tells the others that he believes they have been setup.  JTR agrees as well as the others in Team STK.  Just then Teams SC and T&T pull up.  They had come to the same conclusion.
    Cason said, "You know, maybe we should try going out of the main town and see if we can find a boat captain that will take us."
    Sheriff Charles turns and says, "We couldn't do any worse than we have been doing."  Each team makes there way to their vehicles and start out of town with Team STK in the lead.
    They travel for about 10 miles when suddenly they come to a dirt road.  Sheriff Charles immediately turns onto the dirt road and the others follow.  As they travel down the road, it gets more and more narrow and creepier.
    Jorge says to RJ, "This is a wild goose chase."
    JTR turns to Jorge and says, "Maybe not, look up ahead, it looks like a boat of some kind."  As they get closer they realize it isn't just a boat, it is a 3 mast ship complete with canons.
    Tom tells the other, "I don't know about this. It really looks creepy and where is everyone."  Just about then, lots of guns started shooting and they found themselves surrounded by pirates holding guns and swords.  Sheriff Charles reached for his gun but got whacked on the head with a sword and dropped it.  Everyone just froze in place then from the back of the crowd, a pirate started to move forward.  He stepped up in front of Teams STK, SC, and T&T and stood there.  JTR and the others noticed that he had a striking resembles to Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean.
    JTR started to say as much when the pirate said, "What is this all about?"  JTR explained how they were in a race and they needed to get across the Bay.
    The pirate said, "We can help you but it will cost you."
    RJ spoke up and said, "Just what will it cost us?"
    The pirate said, "We will get you across the Bay and then you will have to do something for us."
    RJ said, "Just what will that be?"
    The pirate tells him, "We can't tell you until we get there."
    Cason asks the pirate, "Just who are you?"
    He says, "I am Captain Black Jack Beard Sparrow, the brother of Captain Jack Sparrow.  It's your choice, take it or leave it."  The teams huddle and start talking.
    Jim Bob speaks up and says, "I don't think we have much choice.  We are surrounded by pirates with guns and swords."  They decide that given the situation, it is probably better to agree to the terms.
    Captain Black Jack Beard Sparrow asks them, "Do we have an accord?" and the Teams tell him yes.  Captain Sparrow tells the other pirates to lower their weapons and get everything loaded.  That night, when the tide came in, they set sail.
    All three teams stood out on the deck as the ship pulled out onto the water.  RJ stood furthest out where the wind could get to him the best.  He stood there enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing in his face.  Suddenly Jimbob came up next to him.  They slightly nodded to each other, then they just stood.
    After a moment Jimbob slowly turned to look at RJ.  RJ felt kind of wierd knowing that Jimbob was staring at him so he just continued to look ahead.  After another moment, however, Jimbob looked away.  It was silent except for the sounds of the ocean and the deck hands moving about doing various jobs.
    Then Jimbob spoke, "Yeah, standing here with the wind blowing in my hair makes me feel sexy too."  Jimbob closed his eyes and with a big smile on his face he lifted his face into the wind.  RJ's eyes were wide and he slowly backed away to where everyone else was standing.
    Jimbob stood there for a moment longer then he peeked open one eye to see if RJ was still there.  He slowly opened both of his eyes and made sure no one was around.  Then he let out this huge discusting fluff* (Also known as a fart).  Jimbob had intended to get away with this but unfortunately everyone else was down wind of him.  It took a moment but soon the smell had swallowed the whole ship.  The deck hands, along with all the new passengers started climbing ropes, jumping into the hold, and running for the cabins.  When everyone had found a hiding place to get away from the smell Jimbob was the only person left on deck.
    After everything settled down Jimbob was tied up and thrown in the hold to keep him out of trouble.  The crew went back to work and JTR stood with Captain Black Jack Beard Sparrow by the wheel.  JTR noticed that Captain Black Jack looked a little nervous.  He couldn't understand why because he must have been to sea many many times.
    As they sailed out of the little cove where they had been anchored Captain Black Jack looked at JTR with worried eyes and said, "Here we go."  The tone of his voice worried JTR a little but he figured everything would be okay.  JTR nodded and began down the steps to go to supper.  Before he started down the stairs he looked back at Captain Black Jack.  That worried look was still on his face.  JTR stood for a moment longer and just before he turned to go he saw, or he thought he saw, a flash in the Captain's eyes.  JTR blinked and the worried expression was gone from the Captain's face and it was replaced with a look of confidence.  JTR nodded and thought, now that is more like it!  Then he continued down for supper.
    When JTR stepped into the room he looked around.  Amazingly the room where they were to be eating was big enough to seat the entire crew and all of the teams with plenty of room to spare.  Still he didn't think anything of it and he seated himself at one end of the table, leaving the other end for the Captain.
    RJ was already at the table sitting to the right of JTR.  Many people from the teams and crew were already there.  JTR and RJ were sitting at the table talking and waiting for supper when Jorge sliped into the room and sat down in the chair to the left of JTR.  Jorge glanced around at the people sitting near to see if they were listening then he motioned for JTR and RJ to listen.
    They moved in close as Jorge spoke softly, "I think something is wrong," before anyone could break in he continued, "you see I made friends among the crew.  We are all working men used to hard labor.  They all seemed a little nervous but they were nice enough for pirates.  Anyways as soon as we pulled out of the cove they changed!  Somehow they became extremely greedy and mean.  I do not know what happened!"
    JTR spoke up then, "You know come to think of it, the Captain started to act a little wierd once we pulled out of the cove too."
    "So what do we do?" RJ asked.
    "Nothing right now because we can't prove anything, but keep an eye out for trouble." wispered JTR in reply.  Just then Captain Black Jack walked in.  He held up his hand and waited for everyone to get quiet.
    "Supper will be served shortly but first we have some business to discuss."  A wicked smile flashed across his face and he continued, "By now I am sure you are aware of who is missing."  Movement broke out as all three teams looked around to see who was missing.  JTR went through a check list in his mind, JTR...check, RJ...check, Jorge...check, Tom...check, Cason...Cason... where was Cason?  He looked around but he couldn't find her.
    Sheriff Charles shouted at Captain Black Jack, "Hey you took Aja el Rojo!"
    "Yeah," spoke up Guy Taylor, "and you took Girl Taylor!"  Captain Black Jack's evil eyes turned to JTR.
    "You give Cason back right now." JTR said as calmly as he could.
    Captain Black Jack just smiled and said, "Sorry guys it is not often that we have women abord so we have taken them.  But just to show you I am a good man I'll give you a chance to get them back."
    He snaped his fingers and the crew exited the room.  He snaped them again and three strange looking characters were shoved into the room and the door was closed behind them.  Sheriff Charles jumped up and attacked the three people standing there.  Just before he reached them the boy in the middle pulled out a big sword that looked like a key.  The boy side stepped and Sheriff Charles crashed into the wall.
    JTR held up his hands and said, "Wait wait!  We are the good guys here!  Now just who are you?"  This last question was directed at the three strange people.
    The boy in the middle stepped up and said, "My name is Soro, I am the long lost cousin of Sora.  Sora and I are masters of the key blade.  I am here to lock this world to keep the showdow monsters out."  He motioned to the dog looking thing on his right, "This is Doofy."  Then pointing to his left where this short duck looking guy stood and he said, "And this is Ronald.  They were appointed by King Largy to protect me on my quest.  If you help me find the key hole to this world then we will help you."  All three teams stood for a moment considering the situation.
    Suddenly Tom put his hand out and said, "I'm in!"  The others looked at him for a moment then they put their hands in too.
    "Go us!" they yelled.
    Then there was this big Scooby Doo situation were music played in the background and all the teams and Soro's crew escaped the room then ran around fighting pirates and shadows.  It was wierd the ship was suddenly like a big fun house.  There were all kinds of wierd rooms and most of the time they were very large.  When the Scooby Doo moment ended they had split up into two groups.
    Soro and TSK were entering the hold where Jimbob was still tied up and Sheriff's Car & T&T had stopped to take a nap.  When TSK got to the other end of the hold they found three bodys tied up with bags over their heads.  Tom rushed forward to see if they were alright, but before he got that far Captain Black Jack jumped out of the shadows and pushed him back.
    "So," he growled, "you've made it past my huge fun house and my many pirates and shadows.  You will not be so lucky anymore!"
    Soro started to step forward but Jorge stopped him.  As he looked off into nowhere he said, "No, this is something I have to do!"  Jorge stepped forward, he stared at Captain Black Jack for a minute then he broke out into a silly dance.
    The Captain gave them a confused look, but no one knew what he was doing.
    After a minute of dancing he bagan to chant, "hagalooooooogeeeeee weeeeeee ooooohhhhhh weeeewooooo!"
    The Captain now looked really worried, "Is he putting some kind of spell on me?"  JTR just shrugged his shoulders.  Then to finnish everything off Jorge mooned the Captain.  Then after pulling his pants back into place he whipped around and hit the Captain hard right on the nose.  The Captain fell down from the huge blow.
    They quickly untied the girls and Jimbob and found the rest of the teams and ran out on deck.  They were on the other side of the bay already!
    Jorge was proud of what he had done down below, "It is a good thing I am skilled in the art of distraction!"
    "Yeah," agreed JTR, "and because of it we can get away!"  Just then Captain Black Jack came on deck with his crew right behind him.  He walked right up to Jorge and put out his hand.
    "Thank you," he said, "for helping us."  Jorge looked at him then shook his hand.  "You see when you found us in that cove we were cursed.  If we ever went out on the water again we would become evil men that destroy everything.  Normally that wouldn't be so bad for a pirate but we weren't allowed to enjoy what we steal unless we win it in a bet.  And we on this here ship are some bad gamblers!  And that my friends is what you had to do for us, you had to break the Captain's nose while in port to break the curse!"
    Suddenly a key hole appeared on deck and Soro closed it with his key.  Then just as suddenly as they had come Soro and his crew dissapeared.  All the teams got off the boat and got to Delhi in no time.  They now had a huge lead!
    While TSK, SC, and T&T were just arriving in Dehli, the other teams (except for 2XW) were about half way across the Bay of Benghal.  Progress had been short made due to horrible weather, well at least it was horrible for the teams.  The sun shined bright as it could and the wind was in their favor, but because the weather was so grand all the crew members wanted to do nothing but work on their tans.  This heavily annoyed the teams being as they were in a race and the object of a race is to be the fastest racer.
   Brian T. Hassett, the president and CEO of AZHF, was the first to speak up, "Excuse me sirs, but don't you think we should be getting a move on here?  We all have a very stiff deadline to meet here and I'm sure everyone would appreciate it if you would stop sunbathing and start getting this ship going."  The crewmembers stopped bathing, they stopped oiling, but they didn't start working instead they bagan to glare at Mr. Hassett.  They all stood up and began to move in closer and closer until they were all right up on him.
    "You tryin to say we don't deserve a tan buddy?" one of the crewman said.  Mr. Hassett became increasingly nervous and tried to backtrack his statement with no success and the crew became increasingly angry with him.  They began to chatter and whisper among themselves then they went silent like silence before the storm.  They moved in after him and all Mr. Hassett could do was flinch, but before he could the entire crew was leveled.  The only one still standing above them was none other than Woody the captain of Save the Trees.
    Mr. Hassett dropped to his knees and wept, "Oh Woody how can I ever thank you?"
    Woody replied, "............"
    Mr. Hassett whispered to his colleagues, "What is this guy saying?"
    Just then a voice that had never been heard throughout the entire duration of the race spoke up, "Save the tree, save the world."  The small group of racers whipped around to see Team Save the Silence.  "Yes Mr. Hassett he said 'save the tree, save the world' it's what he's been saying the entire time, but everryone just hears what they want to hear and fills in the rest," said the captain of STS.
    Mr. Hassett looked puzzled, "Well how come you can hear him then?"
    "When you spend your life studying silence it tends to become another language to you.  A complete conversation can occur without uttering a single word."
    "Oh I get it," Mr. Hassett said, "that's why you're racing to try and save it."
    "No Mr. Hassett that is not why we are racing.  There is a disturbance in the Silence and we intend to figure out what that disturbance is.  Loud dealings are amidst us and I believe the origin of this noise echoes greatly within this entire race.  Mr. Hassett I don't know when, I don't know where, but something bad is going to happen.  But that is of no consequence to you right now we have to worry about getting this ship to Dehli."
    ".........." Woody shouted.
    "What did he say this time?" Mr. Hassett asked.
    The silent captain replied, "We're here."  Unbeknownst to them, while they were sitting there talking, Woody had already decided to take the helm.  Thanks to a nifty shortcut he found in the middle of the ocean they had arrived just as TSK, SC, and T&T were driving off the shore.
    TSK, SC, and T&T had no idea that they were ahead of the other teams so they spent very little time in Dehli.  They booked it through town, but were held up suddenly in rush hour traffic.  A herd of cattle was crossing the road.  JTR was suddenly struck with genius, struck so hard he actually fell over when he thought of it.
    "Hey once when I was in Indibrook I heard some of the natives refer to cows as sacred, I wonder..." he looked back at SC and yelled, "Hey Porky wouldn't you just looooooove a big ol' hamburger right about now?  A juicy all beef patty smothered in fat and deliciousness."
    Sheriff Charles thought to himself and concluded that he was pretty hungry and he could really go for a burger.  The last time he had tasted the sweet savory flavory of a burgery was when they left the United States of Amerikey.  Sheriff had decided he was going to have a burger if he had to butcher the thing himself and he got out of his car.
    "Hey you.  Hey simple cow herder man.  Yeah you come here I gots a business proposition fer ya.  How'd you like to trade me one of them cows for some big American baffos?"
    This statement started a very long and tedious negotiation process leaving the herd in the middle of the road and more importantly every team stuck there.  By this time all the teams had caught up and were all in a line, but Sheriff Charles had finally gotten his beef.  As soon as he handed the man the money for the cow he pulled out his pistol and shot it dead.  The herd scattered and all the teams were off except SC.  The herder went into a frenzy and with the strength of 20 cows began to thouroughly bash Sheriff Charles.  Anson and Goodin tried to help, but the herder was too much for them.  As TSk drove off all they could see in the rearview mirror was a small mob gathering around SC.
    "Wow, word travels fast, huh?  I hope the big oaf is alright.  Man now I feel kinda bad for that maybe I shouldn't have--- Oh look a butterfly Jorge speed up and I'll catch it." JTR said.
    The teams sped across the middle east for Tehran.  TSK, T&T, AZHF, Save the Silence, Save the Trees, and We Teach Trees to Read spread out across the desert trying to find the quickest and safest path across the harsh desert terrain.  All the teams were making great progress and were all about the same distace from Tehran.  Each team pulled up to the edges of the city and were faced with a very odd and very dangerous sitiuation.
    As it turns out Tehran suffers from extremely serious traffic congestion and pollution problems.  Wouldn't you know it, they arrived for the morning rush hour.  But the odd and dangerous part of it all was that a very thick smog had settled upon the town making it almost impossible to see anything three feet beyond the windshield.
    Team T&T had chosen to brave the smog first and the other five teams followed the brake lights of team T&T.  Oddly enough Girl Taylor, who was driving for T&T at the moment, was also following a pare of unknown brake lights.  For a good long while they traveled around blindly on the immense network of highways.
    Finally team Kittens got fed up and took the nearest exit ramp they could find.  They traveled down the road a fare way before driving into a tunnel.
    "Hey look!" Cason yelled, "A light up ahead!"
    "Maybe it's a way out of this god forsaken city." Jorge said as he gave Latisha a little gas.  They drove out of the tunnel and into a big open area that was well lit.  They were in some kind of arena and people were all around cheering and screaming.  Jorge drove right up to a long line of busses and stopped.
    "What's going on here?" Jorge asked.
    "That's a good question." replied JTR, "Maybe it's some kind of Iranian sporting event."
    Before they could question anymore a voice came over the loud speaker, "Ladies and Gentlmen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages!  We welcome you to the Azadi Sport Complex!  It pleases me to say that that tonight we are filled to our 100,000 seat capacity!"  The crowd roared with excitment before the voice continued, "Now it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, all the way from the United States of America, the amazing MONSTER TRUCKS!"
    "The what!?" said all of team kittens together.  Suddenly a thunderous roar met their ears.
    "First," came the loud speaker voice, "Let me introduce to you, a favorite in the US, GRAVE DIGGER!  And running against him tonight is a new comer, the MONSTER TRUCK for the ETHICAL TREATMENT of ANIMALS!"
    Team kittens poked their heads out of Latisha's windows and noticed they were on the lane that MTETA was running.  The driver of MTETA noticed first that people were in the last vehicle in his lane then that the vehicle was Latisha.  All of his PETA member crew noticed as well.
    "Um, Jorge," JTR spoke up as the MTETA driver got a evil look in his eye, "Can we get outta here?"
    At that the light turned green and Grave Digger & MTETA hit the gas sending a earth shaking roar through the complex.  Jorge dropped his foot to the floor and Latisha spead back out toward the highway.
    "Well, that was close." Tom remarked.
    "Um, Dad," JTR said, "I wouldn't be counting our chickens just yet, they haven't infact hatched."
    Jorge glanced in the rearview and the others looked out the back window.  MTETA was following them onto the highway.  Luckily enough the smog had begun to deminish.
    So the PETA owned monster truck was chasing the yellow stretch hummer with the white roof down a highway in Tehran.  It was quite a spectical.  Jorge was inlisting all the Alabama driving JTR had taught him to weave in an out of traffic.
    Meanwhile Team Sheriff's Car was arriving at Mehrabad International Airport.  As it turns out the angry mob had cramed all of Sheriff Charles' team into a box and shipped them to Tehran.  Lucky for them.  Anyway they passed the Azadi Tower and were driving near the highway.
    Suddenly Jimbob looked up and said, "Hey look, a giant speeding Twinky!"
    "Really, where!?" exclaimed Sheriff Charles.  He looked up toward the highway and saw Latisha speeding along.  "Oh, that's not a twinky, thats Latisha!  If they think they're gonna out run us after that insident with that freakin' cow lovin' whacko then they got another thing comin'!"  Charles hit the gas.  He was bookin' it down the road trying to keep up with team Kittens who was on the highway above him.
    Meanwhile teams T&T, Arizona Heart, Save the Trees, Save the Silence, and teach trees to read were still stuck in traffic.  T&T was having a deep conversation.
    "You know I've been thinkin'," said Amos, "Was that big bag of candy really ours?"
    Guy Taylor giggled and muddered to himself, "No."
    "What?" asked Girl Taylor.
    "Yes... yes it was ours." Taylor said.
    "So how did all that blood get on the bag?" Girl Taylor pondered.
    Amos began to notic that corn and cob were pressed up against the back window.  He moved them aside to see what they were looking at.  He noticed that the four teams behind them had driven out of the way to avoid something.  Amos squinted to see what was coming down the road at them.
    "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Girl Taylor said continuing the conversation in the front seat.
    "Well," Guy Taylor continued but he was cut off.
    "Um, we may have a small problem." Amos cut in.
    "What?" Girl Taylor asked as she and Guy Taylor turned around.  Their eyes met Team Kittens speeding towards them with MTETA close behind.
    "Uh-Oh..." Guy Taylor said.
    Sheriff Charles was keeping up with Latisha rather well but he knew he needed to get up on the highway to gain any real ground.  He began to search for the nearest way onto the highway.  Up the road was a ramp and Charles was suddenly struck with an incredibly ballsy idea.
    Jorge was coming up on T&T's Microbus really fast, "Hey, T&T is right in the middle of the road!"
    "Go Around!" everyone else yelled.  Latisha drifted around T&T's Microbus.  MTETA was coming up fast and it appeared it was gonna go right over the top of T&T.
    "Quick!" yelled girl Taylor, "Hit the 'duck' button."
    Sheriff Charles hit the gas and shot up the ramp going air born right as girl Taylor hit the "duck" button.  The VW Microbus began to shrink down just as MTETA started over them.  The shrinking roof of T&T's vehicle rattled the underside of MTETA shaking a number of important nuts and bolts loose.  MTETA rumbled over T&T as Sheriff Charles' Deluxe shot up over the road.  Charles hit the car horn and the Alabama fight song rang out for a moment as time seemed to slow down.
    The Deluxe hung in the air for a moment longer before crashing down on MTETA.  The Deluxe's wheels fell right off and the body of the monster truck fell off the wheels.  The body of the Deluxe fell down into the monster truck's place and the huge wheels attached themselves to the Deluxe.
    "Hey," said Sheriff Charles, "What was that?  Oh, well, lets go."  Sheriff Charles rumbled down the road after Latisha with his newly aquired monster truck wheels.  In the mean time T&T's vehicle stood back up and they followed.
    Team Sheriff's Car chased team Kittens for a really long time not knowing they had monster truck wheels on the Deluxe.  They chased them all they way through Baghdad.  They finally slowed down just outside Jerusalem.
    Team T&T, on the other hand, rolled into Baghdad and was met with a rather interesting situation.  As it turns out Team Kittens, and Team Sheriff's Car had been moving so fast they had missed the welcome to Baghdad festival that the US troops and the Terrorists threw for the racers.
    As T&T came down the main road US Troops lined the right side cheering and screeming, and Terrorists lined the left side yelling and lighting sparklers.  Guy and Girl Taylor were touched by the fact that the race they were running brought such joy to the hearts of the world that it had brought bitter enemies together.  They stopped the vehicle and mengled with all the troops and terrorists.  They visited the National Museum of Iraq, the iconic Hands of Victory arches, and the Baghdad zoo.  Amos even visited Al Kadhimiya Mosque; the most important Shi'ite religious buildings in Iraq.  They signed autographs, ate lunch, played games, and generally had a really good time.  T&T left Baghdad in a very pleasent state.  However, about three miles out of Baghdad they could hear the sound of bombs exploding.
    As night fell on Tehran a shadowy figure walked up on the remains of MTETA.  A man in a PETA blazer walked up to the shadowy.
    "Ms. President, it was them," said the PETA member, "They ran MTETA out hear and another one of the teams took the wheels right off her."
    The shadowy figure spoke at this, "First of all I would like to reiterate that holding a Monster Truck show in Iran was a bad idea.  Second... Damn, I thought the insident in Austraila took care of that abomination of a vehicle and it's degenerate drivers."
    "Obviously not, Ms. Newkirk," said the man, "What do you want us to do?"
    The shadowy figure stepped into the light.  It was PETA president Ingrid Newkirk.  She thought for a minute and then spoke up, "The race is supposed to take a break in Amsterdam.  It's the halfway point.  We'll make our move on team Kittens there."
    The Imperial shuttle edged out of the clouds.  Team 2XW looked anxious at their armed escort, and were increasingly disturbed by Vader’s continuous breathing.
    Finally after some silence David asked, “So what is this all about?”
    Vader calmly said, “As I said before my master wishes to see you, now be quiet you will have you answers soon enough.”  The team could now see that they were traveling through space, and in the distance they saw the death star.  On the approach to the death star two tie fighters escorted the shuttle into the docking bay.  As the shuttle docked a unit of troopers waited outside.  Vader followed behind team 2XW and the unit of troops joined.
    As they were placed into an elevator Vader said, “That is far enough captain, I will take them from here.”  Inside the elevator Vader just stood watching the team.
  Savage shouted out, “Ok guys lets take him down its five against one he can beat us all!”  Vader raised a hand and Savage grabbed his neck and went down.
    Vader tilted his head and said, "Any more bright ideas?"  The team just shook their heads.  Just then the elevator door opened and Vader motioned for them to leave and said, “Gentleman.”
    The thrown room looked almost exactly like the one in Return of the Jedi, except there were two chairs instead of one.  As team 2XW got close both chairs turned around at exactly the same time.
    “Welcome team 2XW,” said Lucas and Spielberg.
    Stingray shouted out, “Hey how did you guys build this place without the government knowing?”
    Lucas smiled and said, “Plot device Mr. Stingray, plot device.  Now I’m sure you guys want to know why you’re here.  Well first off it's because you violated the rules when you got a new car.  The rules say you must start and finish with the same car.”
    David spoke up, “Well that’s the problem ours got blew up by Godzilla.”
    Lucas replied, “We know, that’s why we sent a unit down to collect the pieces, and if your wondering we got most of it back together.”
    Lucas pointed to a screen, and Spielberg spoke, “But we had to make a few changes.”  What 2XW saw on the screen nearly made them scream.  It was an ugly Ford Pinto with a burnt Cadillac Escalade Grill bolted to the front of it.
    “This is how it looked right?” asked Spielberg.
    At that moment a screen came on and an officer said, “Sir we have another one of those watermelon things that Ridley Scott has been sending, what do we with it?”
    Lucas sighed and said, “Just put it with all the other ones.”
    Spielberg turned to team 2XW and said, “ Ridley is a nice guy but he’s horrible at gift giving, he keeps sending these stupid watermelons, we keep telling him that’s enough but he just keeps sending them, so we put them in some cafeteria.”
    Lucas turned around, “Ok where were we, right, look here’s the deal, you guys are free to take the ‘escalade’ if you do us a favor.”
    “What’s that?” 2XW asked.
    Lucas grinned, “Give me all the rights to sell merchandise of your characters.”
    Team 2XW looked mad and all said, “Wait that’s it, you killed the crew of that ship and kidnapped us just to get the merchandising rights of our team?”
    “Yep,” Lucas quickly said.  At that moment the alarms started going off.  Lucas and Spielberg turned and punched buttons on the computer and a screen blipped.
    “What’s going on down there?” they said.
    The officer looked scared and said, “Sir the watermelons, something came out of one and attacked one of our men, he seems fine now, but it really freaked us out.”
    “Oh ok well tell us if something happens.” said Lucas.
    Spielberg turned to Lucas and said, “So I guess Ridley’s watermelons have wierd creatures in them, who would have guessed, well you want to send these guys home now or what?”
    “Yeah just let me get them to sign away their merchandise rights.” said Lucas.  Team 2XW all signed the contract.
    Lucas then said, “Well guys thanks for signing.  Umm we know you will have probably lost a lot of time.  So here’s what well do, you guys can stay here for a while, then we will send down you and your car.  Vader will escort you to your car unless you want to ask us some questions or something.”
    Team 2XW asked, “But what about the check points?”
    “Well send a memo,” said Spielberg.
    “Where did you get all your storm troopers?”
    “From a star wars convention.” answered Lucas.
    “What about Vader?”
    “The suit is a robot, his use of the force is mostly smoke and mirrors.  We got James Earl Jones in a booth, and he stays in character the whole time,” they pointed over to Vader, “Hey James how are you doing?”
    Vader looked at them and said, “Fine George just let me know when I’m needed.”
    Team 2XW just sighed and said, “Man we all thought you guys were evil and wanted us all dead.”
    Lucas then answered, “We are evil and we do want you dead, but what would be the use of killing you here, there aren’t any cameras, and we would lose money.”
    They went on for a hour or so Lucas noticed a light blinking on the computer he pressed it and the screen came up.  The officer was shaking and seemed frightened, and had some blood on him.
    “What the hell happened down there?” Lucas screamed.
    The officer replied, “I... ah... don’t know sir we were all joking and then the guy who got attacked earlier started convulsing and screaming.  Then all of a sudden he falls down and this thing bursts through his chest. It ran out of the room and we’ve sent a few guys to look for it, but that was 30 minutes ago, and they haven’t come back.  We tried their coms but we get no answer, the tracking system shows they are in the cafeteria.  What do you want us to do?”
    Lucas and Spielberg looked at each other, then back at the officer and said, “Send in some droids and seal that level off.”
    "But sir that level can’t be sealed, all the central air ducts are on that level.  Not only that we have a few trash shoots throughout it."
    Lucas then said, “Ok don’t send any more men to the cafeteria, these things are highly dangerous.  Alert us on any new signs.”
    “Yes Sir,” said the officer.  Meanwhile team 2XW have not heard what’s been going on, they are still slightly mesmerized by the fact they are on the Death Star.  Lucas and Spielberg then got a call from the hanger.
    “Sir there appears to be a small cargo ship asking to dock; it says it’s a present from James Cameron.”
    Lucas gave the order to allow the ship to dock.  Thru the screen team 2XW and Lucas and Spielberg watched the ship set down, and then the ships door raised and out stepped a large Queen Alien, she immediately started slaughtering the hanger crew.  2XW looked on in horror as the Queen picked up a trooper, bit off his head and threw him into a wall.
    Lucas and Spielberg turned off the screen and said, “It looks like we’ve got a problem, Steve and I are going to go to our escape pods, and you guys can try and go to the hanger where your car is.”  At that moment Lucas and Spielberg’s chairs sealed up and shot down into the floor, thru another screen team 2XW could see their escape ship fire off towards earth.
    They turned to Vader and said, “So who’s side are you on, you want to try and get off this thing before we're all killed by Aliens?”  Suddenly the alarms started blaring out again, the screen came on it was the officer again.
    “Where is master Lucas?” he screamed.
    “He jumped ship along with Spielberg,” yelled back Jerry.
    The officer looked scared and very jittery, “Well you guys better do the same, that creature seemed to have grown up, and it’s found a lot of buddies.”  In the background a large dark figure slinked its way behind the officer as 2XW yelled out look out the creature leapt upon the officer.  Amidst screams 2XW could make out five more Aliens entering the room.  One walked over to the screen and bit down.
The screen went blank.
    Jerry called a team huddle, “Ok, first off we need to get to our car, second we need to survive, but third and the best point of all, I don’t have a clue how we will do it.”
    Inside the huddle David said, “Well its simple all we have to do is take the elevator, find the shuttle and hide there until its time to leave.”
    Suddenly the overhead speaker came up, “Attention, emergency power shut off to all nonessential systems, please evacuate using the stairwells to the hanger bays.”
    David then sighed and said, “Ok I’m out of ideas.”  After this the team decided that the best way to get out would have to be going down the stairwells.  Although they have one slight advantage Vader is still there, and is willing to escort them.  Down the first few sets were easy; sadly the thrown room was located on deck ten, whereas the hanger is at deck three with the cafeteria located on deck four.  Along the way Vader told them that they have to cross deck four because the stairwell ends and that there are three flights of stairs between each deck.  After about an hour the team came to rest on deck seven.
    While the others were sitting down for a short rest Borden walked off by himself.  As he was walking he stepped into something, he bent down touched it and said, “What is this?”  At that moment a alien dropped down.  Borden by some luck lost his balance and stumbled away from it.  As expected he started screaming.  Team 2XW ran up to see what was wrong and also started to scream.  The alien instantly ran straight at Borden but out of nowhere Vader turned on his lightsaber and lopped of the aliens head.
    “It would appear we have visitors.  I think we should quicken our pace if you plan to leave.” quipped Vader.
    After this the team doubled up their progress.  They did not run into any more aliens.  When they reached deck four they knew that it was going to be hell to get to the next stairwell.  As they stepped into the deck they quickly noticed that the deck now looked like an alien lair.  As they passed a wall they picked up some blasters dropped by stormtroopers.  Throughout the deck they had to fire at three aliens, and Vader had to continuously use his saber on ones that popped out of the walls.  After battling their way thru deck four they finally arrived at the stairwell.  The three flights down were exceptionally perilous.  Vader started to force the aliens off the stairs.  By the second flight the aliens stopped coming.
    The team and Vader finally got to the deck three.  As they started to reach the hanger Jerry shouted out, “Wait!  What about the Queen!”
    Ironically at that moment the Queen stepped right into view.  In her hand was a large grate, which she hurled at them.  They dropped to the floor to avoid the grate.
    Jerry looked at Vader and shouted, “Now would be a good time for you to whip out your saber and kill this thing.”  At that moment the Queen’s tale came down on top of Vader going through his chest.  She picked him up bashed him on the ground then ripped him in half, spraying oil and robotic pieces all over the place.  Then Vader’s saber landed right near David.  As he reached for it the Queen’s foot stomped right on it.  This happened to cause a slight shockwave that knocked her over.  Team 2XW started to run for their shuttle, but the queen got back up and stalked after them.  2XW slowly backed up and hit the side of the shuttle.  The Queen crept up hissing and roaring in all her frightening glory.  Her tale raised, ready to strike, she opened her jaws ready to bite down on Jerry.
    Then, out of the blue, a T-Rex roared into view and started fighting with the Queen.  2XW ran into their shuttle and the shuttle lifted off.  2XW was headed back to earth.  As they watched the Queen tripped the Rex and jumped right on top of it and started slashing and biting.
    Lucas and Spielberg, who are safely in Skywalker Ranch, insert the two detonation keys into a console.  The Queen is about to deliver the final blow to the Rex.  Lucas and Spielberg turn the keys and the Death Star explodes.

    As team T&T exits Baghdad they are startled by the bombs going off.  They decide to retreat back to Baghdad.  When they get there, they are greeted by some of the U.S. troops.  Colonial Buck asks what is wrong and Girl Taylor explains that they are scared of the explosions and need to get to Jerusalem to the next checkpoint and then on across the Mediterranean.
    Colonial Buck says to them, "We can help.  Just pull your vehicle in the back of this here C-130 transport and we will get you to Jerusalem."  Guy Taylor says great and pulls the microbus in.  They take off and make a short flight to the airbase near Jerusalem where Team T&T exit the C-130 and head to the checkpoint.  Colonial Buck tells them there will be a heavy ride waiting on them on the other side of the checkpoint to take them across the Mediterranean.
    Meanwhile, Sheriff Charles and Team Kittens head towards the Mediterranean wondering how they will get across.  Sheriff Charles realizes his vehicle has Monster Truck tires and decides to try a unique and daring stunt.  He pulls up to the edge of the beach, stops, takes a deep breath, hits the gas and drives straight into the water.  Just as he thought, the Deluxe floated with its big monster truck tires.  He shoved it into overdrive and hit the gas.  A big splash of water filled the air and they took off.  Team Kittens stood at the edge of the water with their mouths hanging open.
    JTR looks at the others and says a big emphatic, "SNAP, what are we going to do now?"  Cason looks at JTR and tells him that Latisha has some tricks up her tailpipe too.  As it turns out, Latisha has an emergency flotation device that can be deployed at any time.  Not only that, a small jet engine pops out to propel her.
    Cason said to the others, "Watch what happens when I press this big red button here on the dash."  When Cason pushed the button, Latisha started to move around and change her look like a transformer.  In a matter of seconds she had become a high-speed floater.  Team Kittens hopped in and started across the water.
    Meanwhile, Team T&T make their way into Jerusalem, pass through the checkpoint and head towards the Mediterranean.  About a mile out of town, a military convey meets them and takes them to a dock where a Navy PT boat picks them up and speeds away.
    As Team Kittens speeds across the water, Tom hollers, "Look, it’s Team Sheriff's Car."
    Cason tells the others, "I have a great plan for Team Sheriff."  Cason tells JTR to look in the back and find that rope with the grappling hook on it.  She tells him, "When we go by, try to hook that grappling hook on the Deluxe bumper and I will do the rest."  It only took JTR one try and they were hooked on.
    Cason told JTR to tie the rope on something solid and hold on.  Cason started maneuvering Latisha in a circle around Team SC, which caused the Deluxe to go into a never ending, water bound doughnut.  Cason told JTR to let go.  As they headed away, they were looking back laughing when suddenly they hit something.  It was Team T&T in the Navy PT boat.  They bumped and slammed and slammed and bumped all the way across each jockeying for the lead position.  But when they got to the beach on the other side, they were in a dead heat.
    Cason said, "We have the advantage," and as they hit the beach, Cason hit a big green button that was beside the big red button and in a matter of 2 seconds flat, Latisha was back to herself and rolling on toward the next checkpoint.  Team T&T had to wait to be unloaded but headed on to the checkpoint in second place.  Team SC hit the beach still spinning and managed to, by blind luck, stagger their way to the checkpoint in third.  When they got there, Team Kitten and Team T&T watched as everyone in the Deluxe got out and fell to the ground.  It was a funny sight watching them stagger around bumping into each other and other things.  Cason, JTR, and the other Team Kitten racers gave each other a big high five.
    As Team Kittens, Sheriff's Car, and T&T arrived in Athens, Teams Save the Silence, Save the Trees, We Teach Trees to Read, and Arizona Heart were still trying to get across the Mediterranean.  Team Save the Trees was simply trying to float across, but they quickly found that they weren't drift wood.  Save the Silence was meditating trying to come up with a solution.  And the two other teams had given up and were camped out on the beach.  Then as the sun began to go down Save the Silence quickly and quietly got up and rushed off the beach.  Brian, from Team Arizona Heart, saw them rush off so he gathered his team and they followed.  Then Woody, who had been keeping watch over Save the Tree's camp, saw Arizona Heart leave.  So he gathered his team and they followed.  By then We Teach Trees to Read realized that it had gotten really quiet on the beach so they gathered their things and followed the trail of leaves that Save the Trees accidentally left.
    A long while later Team Save the Silence walked into a magic shop.  Instead of stopping at the counter they walked directly to the back to where an old lady was sitting.
    They each seated themselves then they said, "....."
    She replied, "......."
    They nodded their heads and said, "..............."  Then there was huge flash!  Suddenly Team Save the Silence along with the teams that had followed them where standing on three hills outside of Athens.  Save the Trees and We Teach Trees to Read were standing on Areopagus, Arizona Heart was standing on Pnyx, and Save the Silence was standing on Filapappou hill.  They all looked around wildly.  Soon they noticed that there was a mad clerk standing among Arizona Heart.
    He broke out in an angry yell, "Darn It! That is the fifth time this month that mother had telliported everyone in the store.  I mean gosh, she should at least warn me!" he lowered his voice a mite, "Or got people to pay."  He huffed and he puffed then he stomped down the hill.
    They stood on top of the hills for a minute trying to get their heads together, when they noticed Latisha speeding out of Athens.  They all immediately jumped into their cars, which had been telliported to the bottom of the hills, and they took off after her.
    Meanwhile Team Kittens was racing closer to the Ionian Sea, but this time they had a problem.  The long way across the Mediterranean had wore Latisha out and she wasn't ready for another long journey across the sea.  So Team Kittens was trying to figure out a way to get across.  Unfortunately RJ was driving and, being helpful, he was in the drivers seat without his hands on the wheel thinking as if he were Pooh Bear.  Latisha was smart enough to stay on the road by herself but she couldn't navigate completely by herself.  So naturally Team Kittens started to go a little off course.  Which gave Team Save the Trees the opportunity to cut off the hill in front of Team T&T to take the lead.  As soon as Save the Trees hit the beach they had a plan.  They build a small sail and used their car as a boat.  They were in first and on their way across the Ionian Sea.  After Team Save the Trees had been on the water for nearly an hour, Team Kittens was finally getting to a beach much further along the shore.
    Cason was in the process of telling RJ he was stupid when JTR stopped her, "No wait I have an idea." As he said this he pointed off down the beach to where a very scary looking house sat.
    Cason knew what JTR was about to suggest and she protested, "No! Let's not go over there to the scary house!"
    "But we need a way to get across the Ionian Sea, and that house has a lot of boats parked on the beach in front of it." replied JTR.
    "What boats," asked Tom, "you mean the ones hidden in the creepy fog?"
    "Yep!" JTR said with a smile.  So Team Kittens walked up to the front door of the huge house and rang the door bell.  The door opened slowly.  At first all they could see was the darkness inside the house, but then as the door came open further a briliant light shone out at them.  When the door was all the way open an extremely handsome man stood there in white robes.  The light seemed to be coming from him and he looked extremely powerful.  Jorge's eye's opened wide as he took in the wonderful sight.  The man looked over Jorge's shoulder, so he looked around at his teamates.  They were all laying face down on the porch.
    JTR peeked up, then he jumped up and said, "I uhh,... I slipped."  The man welcomed Team Kittens inside, and they asked if they could rent a boat from him.
    The man said in a booming voice, "I love all of my boats, but if one of you can beat me in an arm wrestling match then I will let you have one."  Team Kittens huddled up.  They talked it over for a minute and finally decided that Jorge should do it.
    So it began the powerful man and Jorge sat across from each other, put their elbows on the table, their hands met, and they started.  They were evenly matched.  The match had been going on for half an hour when Team Kittens started to get anxious.
    JTR trying to inspire Jorge said, "It's now or never Jorge!  We need to get going!"
    The man leaned across the table towards Jorge, "What are you going to do beat me!  Ha!"  Jorge leaned in with a terrible look in his eyes.
    He wispered, "Si Senor!"  A look of terror came across the man's face as Jorge pressed his hand down on the table.  Jorge jumped up, and Team Kittens celebrated.
    Team Kittens ran out of the house and jumped into a sail boat.  Cason drove Latisha into the hold, then they shoved out to sea hoping to make up for lost time.
    They weren't very far off when the man ran out on the porch shaking his fist, "Fools! My name is Poseidon!  You will never make it across the Ionian Sea!"
    Tom turned to JTR, "This is why we introduce ourselves to people."  The next few days were hard on Team Kittens.  The seas were extremely rough and they began to fear that they would never make it across the Ionian Sea.  On the morning of the third day out RJ, who was on watch, spoted an island.  They pointed their nose toward it and in no time they were standing on the beach.  They really shouldn't have stopped but there was another boat named "The Homer" on the beach.  Jorge lead the others through the trees following the tracks of the people that came before.  Suddenly they came to a clearing.  There were a bunch of men attacking a huge blue dragon.
    JTR shouted, "Stop! Don't hurt it!"
    "Yeah," screamed Cason, "he is a good kitty!"  Team Kittens drove the men away by making RJ throw a go away can at them.  JTR ran up to the dragon, who was a good kitty, and made sure he was okay.
    A man spoke up, "Hey!  Leave us alone!  The only way I can get back home to my wife and son is if I defeat this dragon, who is a good kitty.  We are on our way to the Underworld."  Tom started to speak up but JTR stopped him.
    "I got this," he said, "Excuse me sir, what is your name?"
    He yelled back in reply, "My name is Nobody."
    "Oh, it's nobody," said RJ, "Let's go."  Team Kittens shrugged and Cason, who had the dragon, who is a good kitty, on a leash, lead him out of the trees and back onto the boat.  When they got back on the ocean, a tidel wave came towards the boat.  Team Kittens was terrified, and they knew this would be their end.
    "RJ I just wanted to let you know, I've always hated you." said Cason.  The wave stopped and a face appeared.  It was that handsome man again.
    "Thank you for saving my dragon, who is a good kitty.  As a reward I will delay all the other racers and get you to shore in 15 minutes."
    Team Kittens jumped up and said, "Yessss!"  Suddenly the wind started up and just like the big face in the wave said they were on shore in 15 minutes.  The dragon, who was a good kitty, flew away and Team Kitten had only a short drive to the next check point.
    (Felipe's Entree By John) Poseidon had quite a task ahead of him in that most of the other teams had long since made it to Rome.  But he was determined to make good on his promise that he would delay the other teams.  So Poseidon went to see Chronos the god of time.  Chronos helped Poseidon go back to three days ago.  Poseidon stood on a hill above the old creepy house.  He watched as Team Kittens sailed away.  He knew he couldn't very well interfear with what Team Kittens was going to go through.
    Poseidon set out to delay the other teams for the same three day period that Team Kittens experienced.  First he called in a few favors to Boreas and Zephyrus the gods of the north and west winds.  They made it so that the other teams couldn't actually get from Greece to Itally.  With that Poseidon began his dirty deeds.
    On the second day of Poseidon's delays the empirial shuttle carrying Team 2XW and there "new" vehicle came rocketing through the clouds over Greece.
    "Hello Earth!" yelled Savage, "2XW is back!"
    "Now," spoke up David, "Where are we?"
    "Somewhere over Greece I think." responded Stingray after consulting a computer screen.
    "I think we'll just by pass the Ionion sea and go ahead and land in Rome." said Owens.
    "I don't think so," came a mystery voice.  They all whipped around to see a strange little man standing in the center of the control room.
    "Who the hell are you?" yelled Jerry.
    "My name is Hermes," said the man, "I'm a messenger sent by Zeus."
    "What?" asked Owens.
    "Well," replied Hermes, "Zeus didn't really send me I'm here of my own acord.  I have a very important message for you all... but I'm afraid I can't give it to you."  The team paused in confusion.
    "Well," spoke up Stingray, "Then... why... why come to us?"
    "I'm afraid I can't tell you that either, but there is someone who can... the Old Man of the sea!"
    "Okay this sounds like a load of crap." said Savage.
    "Listen to me hot head," snapped Hermes, "There are dark dealings going on and I need you guys to stop them!  So listen and listen good!  In this bag are five seal pelts.  When this ship sets down-"
    "This ship isn't setting down!" yelled Owens.  At that moment the emergency fuel light came on to inform them they were losing fuel.
    "As I was saying," continued Hermes, "When this ship sets down you will be a short swim south of the Old Man of the sea.  Put on the seal pelts and pounce on him.  If you can hold him still while he changes into various animals and shapes he will point you in the direction you need go, and give you the message you should've got from me."
    "What?" asked Stingray, "What kind of crazy talk is that?"  However without another word Hermes was gone.
    "Um... guys," said Borden.  They all turned around to find they were no longer in the air but floating on the water.  After some arguing the team decided to go for broke and follow Hermes' instructions.
    In the mean time Sheriff Charles found himself rather lost at sea.  He had hopped abord a fishing vessal back in Greece and had been at sea for the past day and a half.  He was a might upset at the recent discovery that Aja el Rojo was infact Skycam and a married woman.  The fishermen had begun to become restless.  They believed that Charles and his deputies were the cause of their recent bad fortunes.  Little did they know their fortunes were about to get worse.
    "Hey," yelled a crewman, "What's that off to port?"
    Sheriff Charles turned and gazed off the starbord side as everyone else ran to port.
    "I don't see anything." said Charles.
    "It looks like mermaids or something," said a crewman.
    "Where?" asked Charles, still looking out to starbord.
    "Are they singing?" asked Deputie Anson.  Suddenly the most beautiful song Sheriff Charles had ever heard met his ears.  He slowly turned to port and saw the Sirens off in the distance.
 
    "Poseidon has been attempting to delay all the other race teams," said the Old Man of the sea, as team 2XW listened intently.  The team had put up a valiant fight and the Old Man was impressed.
    "But if they're being delayed then shouldn't that help us?" asked Jerry.
    "Yea," added Owens, "They're our rivals, we want them to fall behind."
    "They won't just be delayed," continued the Old Man of the sea, "They'll be killed."
    An unsettling silence fell upon the team.  They were begining to understand what Hermes was trying to tell them.
    "How did this happen?" asked Savage.
    "Tomorrow, team Kittens is going save Poseidon's dragon... who insidentaly is a good kitty... and Poseidon offers them a favor," continues the Old Man, "They ask him to delay the other teams, so he goes back in time to yesterday to kill them."
    "That doesn't sound right," said Jerry, "I can't see JTR and them asking Poseidon to kill the other teams."
    "Well," said the Old Man, "All feelings aside, you five need to save the other teams.  Team Kittens is currently at the mercy of Poseidon, but the future must not be changed so leave them be.  Team Arizona Heart has washed up on Calypso's island and she is holding them captive.  Team Save the Silence has wondered into a cave they will soon find to belong to the Cyclops.  Team Teach Trees to Read has washed up on the island of the enchantress Circe.  Team Save the Trees has drifted to the furthest edge of Ocean's stream, the land to which all journey when they die.  Team T&T is heading as we speak for the cliff where Scylla exacts her toll, and if they make it past her they'll have Charybdis to deal with.  Finally, Team Sheriff's Car will have the Sirens to deal with."
    Team 2XW thought on this for a moment before David Owens spoke, "Okay, here's what we'll do.  I'll go after Woody and his team.  Jerry, you go after Team Save the Silence."
    "Right," said Jerry, "I get to fight the Cyclops!"
    "Shut up," Owens continued, "Savage, you go after the Taylors."
    "Yea," responded Savage, "I get to go fight Scylla!"
    "Do you even know what Scylla is," asked Jerry, "or are you just copying me."
    "Shut UP!" David yelled, "Stingray, you take Circe and don't give me any lip about it!  Borden!"
    "Yea," Borden answered shakely.
    "You go to Calypso's island," responded Owens, "That seems to be the safest of them all."
    "How do we get there?" asked Stingray.
    "I can help," said the Old Man.  At that four massive sea serpants surfaced.  "They will serve you until your missions are done."
    "You're one short," said Owens.
    "You take that ship of yours there," he responded, "I have magically refueled it."
    David paused a moment before speaking up, "Alright lets do this!"
 
    Team Save the Silence was investigating a cave full of goat pens.  Having been at sea for the last day and a half there was serious discussion, sort of, about cooking some of the goats.  But before any cooking could get underway the herdsman returned.  He was as big as a barn and had a single glaring eye in his forehead.  The team silently screamed and hid in the corner.  The Cyclops hadn't seen them yet so  they hid motionless in the corner pondering their escape.  Suddenly their prayers where answered as a figure appeared in the enterance to the cave.
 
    Brian Hassett was resting comfortably in the care of the nymph Calypso.  He and his team had been taken good care of for the last day.  The other women were in an uproar at the moment because someone new had arrived on the island.  Borden came crashing through the crowd of women and snatched up Brian.
    "Quick, let's go!" Borden yelled, "I don't know what dangers this island holds but we've gotta get outta here."
    "Stop!" Came an authoritve female voice.  It was Calypso herself, "I will let you take them off this island on one condition."
    "What?" Borden asked with a quiver in his voice.
    Calypso grinned and said, "Take off your pants."
    "Wh... why?" Borden asked.
    Calypso smiled and glanced over at one of Brian's male teammates.
 
    "...and that's why we have to get outta here," said Savage, "Now!"
    Guy Taylor had a questioning look on his face, "So... What now?"
    "Scylla," whispered Girl Taylor, "where have I heard that name?"
    Suddenly one of the crewmen yelled out, "Yeah, look!  There's a cliff up ahead!"
    "Look," yelled Savage, "Go tell whoever is driving this boat to turn us away from that cliff!"
    "But," argued Guy Taylor, "what about our sence of adventure."
    With that three giant serpantile heads sprang out of the water and started devouring crewmen.
    "Srew the adventure!" yelled Amos, "Get us outta here Savage!"
 
    Stingray was walking past an abandoned ship.  His serpant was playing in the waves.
    "This must be their ship," he said to himself, "and if this is their ship then this must be Circe's island."
    "That it is," came Hermes' voice.
    Stingray spun around, "Oh, its you again."
    "Don't sound so happy," Hermes remarked, "I guess I'll just keep this herb I've brought you to protect you from Circe's magic."
    "How is a herb gonna help me?" asked Stingray.
    "Oh, no" said Hermes, "That's not important you can just live the rest of your life as a pig or goat or whatever she decides to turn you into."
    Stingray straightened up, "I'm listening."
 
    "...................." said Woody as he safely rested in the control room of the shuttle.
    "No problem," said David, "Though I was a little disappointed."
    ".............?" asked Woody.
    "Well, I asumed traveling to the land of Death would be the most dangerous of the missions."
    "................."
    "I guess you're right," said David, "it was kinda neat to get to meet Achilles.  Not that someone like... I don't know... anyone else would've been cooler."
    "..............." remarked Woody.
    David paused for a moment before blurting out, "Oh Crap!  We forgot about Sheriff Charles!"
 
    When Team Kittens got back on the ocean, a tidel wave came towards the boat.  They were terrified, and they knew this would be their end.
    "RJ, I just wanted to let you know, I've always hated you!" yelled Cason.  The wave stopped and a face appeared.
    It was Poseidon again, "Thank you for saving my dragon, who is a good kitty.  As a reward I will delay all the other racers and get you to shore in 15 minutes."
    Team Kittens jumped up and said, "Yessss!"  Suddenly the wind started up and just like Poseidon said they were on shore in 15 minutes.  The dragon, who was a good kitty, flew away and Team Kitten had only a short drive to the next check point, so wasted no time in heading for Rome.  When they got there they noticed a large crowd awaiting them.
    "What's going on?" Cason asked.
    "They mustta know we were comin'." JTR answered.
    Jorge stuck his head out the window, "Hey, what's going on here?"
    "Don't you know?" asked one of the english speaking people, "It's the fight of the century!"
    "What?" asked Jorge.
    "Team Kittens vs. Team 2XW!" yelled the person, "The fight is to be overseen by the Gods themselves!"
    "When is this supposed to happen?" Jorge asked.
    "In about... two hours," responded a man, "Say, you guys better get to the Colosseum."
    Jorge stuck his head back in the window and told everyone what he had just heard.  They mulled over the news for a moment and decided they better head to the Colosseum to check it out.  It took them some time to get there as the streets were packed with fans who had traveled from far and wide to see the fight.
    "How could all this be set up so well and us not know about it?" asked Tom.
    "Yea," added Jorge, "I mean we didn't hear word one about having to fight Team 2XW.  How is it that everyone else knows about it?"
    "You don't think Poseidon has anything to do with this?" asked Cason.
    "Well," comented JTR, "They did say the 'Gods' would been overseeing the fight."
    Latisha pulled right up to the Colosseum and to Team Kitten's surprise a group of security people were waiting for them.  One very grizzled looking american man helped usher them off Latisha.
    "Hurry up now," the grizzled man said, "We haven't got much time.  Poseidon or Neptune or whatever it is they call him here won't be kept waiting."
    "What's going on?" asked JTR.
    "You mean you don't know?"  The grizzled american searched their blank expresions for some sign of understanding but none came.  "Well, you've been challenged in a match of the gods by Team 2XW.  It'll be a five on five elimination style wrestling match."
    "But why?" asked Tom.  The grizzled american paused before demanding everyone else in the room leave the team to prepare.  When only he and Team Kittens remained he reached up grabbed his neck and pulled his face off.  Team Kittens jumped back in surprise before realizing it was a mask.  The man that stood before them was none other than Vince McMahone.
    "Okay," said Vince, "Here's the deal.  When Poseidon promised you he would delay the other teams he was presented with an interesting oppertunity.  He decided to have Chronos send him back in time so that he could infact kill the other teams."
    "Well obviously they're still alive so he failed," remarked Cason.
    "Not exactly," continued Vince, "You see he let slip to Hermes that he was going to let the teams die.  Poseidon knew that Hermes would run to Team 2XW for help seeing as they were on their way back to earth."
    "What," said Jorge, "Back to earth?"
    "That part isn't important right now just listen," said Vince, "Poseidon knew Hermes would go to team 2XW but he also knew that Hermes couldn't tell them what was going on with the gods approval.  Hermes would instead send 2XW to the Old Man of the sea for answers.  So Poseidon took control of the Old Man of the sea and made him tell 2XW what he wanted.  He told 2XW to go save the other teams."
    "But here again if he wanted them dead why send 2XW to save them?" asked JTR.
    "Because he didn't really want them dead." said Vince.
    "Then what did he want?" asked RJ.
    "I'm not sure," answered Vince, "All I know is that after sending 2XW to save the other teams he had Chronos send him back in time again to promote a huge fight between Team Kittens and Team 2XW."
    "How do you know all this?" asked Jorge.
    "Wrestling... staged or not... is my life," Vince said, "and I knew I had to be here when whatever happens happens."
 
    Team 2XW was preparing for the big fight in their own locker room.  Jerry was lacing up his boots when he stopped.
    "Something just doesn't fit here!" Jerry yelled, "Why would John and them tell Poseidon to kill us."
    "Who knows what runs through the mind of the insane?" said Owens.
    "But they're not insane," remarked Jerry, "A little crazy?  Yes.  Sometimes they are even negligent but insane, homicidal?  No."
    "Look," said Stingray, "We've all done things durring the course of this race we wouldn't do normally.  You may have to accept the fact that they just got too competative."
    "Yea," added Savage, "and for that we're gonna kick their asses!"
    "But-" Jerry started to speak, but suddenly the music kicked up ouin the Colosseum.
    "Its time," said Owens.
 
    Poseidon raised his hands out to the crowd and began to speak, "Ladies and Gentlemen!  Lend me your ears!  Today a story of cowardice, sloth, and mendacity comes to a close!  For all the teams here today began as friends, but a simple race has made them enemies!  Today  those the world deemed as heros are shown for what they really are!"
    The crowd roared with approval.  Poseidon smiled to himself.  His plan was coming together nicely.
    "Alright!" he continued, "For the thousands in attendance, for the millions watching around the world... LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    At that the music picked up and Team 2XW came down to the ring.  Teams Save the Silence, Save the Trees, Teach Trees to Read, Arizona Heart, and T&T were sitting in the V.I.P. box.
    "Welcome to the Rumble at the Colosseum!" came the voice of Jim Ross, "Hello everyone I'm Jim Ross alongside my broadcast partner Eros."
    "Or as I'm know here in Rome, Cupid!" added Eros.
    "Well Eros, or Cupid," said JR, "It looks like this crowd is split right down the middle."
    "That's right Jim," said Eros, "We've got a good mix of boos and cheers here as Team 2XW makes there way to the ring."
    Team 2XW got in the ring.  But Jerry hesitated.  He was still unsure of what was about to go down.  When there music cut the crowd hushed.  Suddenly the tune of "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by ACDC filled the Colosseum.  Out walked JTR, RJ, Cason, and Tom.
    "Wait a minute," said Eros, "They seem to be a member short."
    The four of them turned to see where Jorge was.  Without warning El Toro, JTR's former 2XW tag team partner came running out of the locker room.  JTR and El Toro met for a quick "Bam" and the team headed down the ramp.
    "Looks like... um... Jorge will be replaced by this mystery masked wrestler." said JR.
    "Sorces tell me that is El Toro, formerly of 2XW, used to team with JTR." added Eros, "Also JTR and RJ used to wrestle for 2XW."
    Team Kittens made there way right up to the ring and climbed in.  Team Kittens and Team 2XW went toe to toe.
    "What the hell's going on?" JTR said to David Owens.
    "Oh," said Owens, "I think you know."
    "No," responded JTR, "I honestly don't."
    Before Owens could respond Poseidon spoke up again, "Ladies and Gentlemen!  The combatants are ready!"  The crowd roared with approval.  "Combatants!  This is a elimination style tag team match.  Please shake hands and back to your own corners."
    "Okay," said JR, "It looks like," the bell rang, "we're ready to get underway."
    "Looks like," added Eros, "JTR and David Owens will be starting us out."
    JTR and Owens locked up and Owens threw JTR into a side headlock.  JTR picked him up for a backdrop but Owens rolled out and rolled JTR up.  He got a two count on the fall.  The two of them shot back to their feet and the crowd went nuts.
    After a moment JTR and Owens locked up again.  Owens went back to the side headlock.  This time JTR backed him into the ropes and shot him out.  Ownes ducked a closeline from JTR and hit the ropes again.  JTR tried for a second closeline and Owens ducked again.  On the third run Owens threw out a closeline at the same time as JTR and they both went down.  The crowd went nuts a second time.  JTR and Owens rolled to their own corner and taged in RJ and Borden.
    RJ took a running start and yelled, "Ultimate Hyper Power Quantum Super Check!"
    "NO!" yelled Team Kittens.
    RJ stopped mid-move, "What?"
    Borden ran in while RJ was distracted and kicked him in the balls.  Borden got a three count on the fall.
    "What the Hell is that ref!?" yelled Cason.
    "No DQs." said the ref.
    "Oh," said El Toro.  He jumped in, promptly kicked Borden in the balls, and got a three count on the fall.
    "RJ and Borden are out!" said Poseidon.
    Jerry stepped in and went toe to toe with El Toro.  El Toro shoved Jerry off.  Jerry looked a little surprised.  He returned and shoved El Toro.
    "They're checking each other out here, Ross." said Eros.
    Jerry and El Toro locked up and El Toro promptly shoved Adonis back into the corner.  Jerry paused, startled.  He returned to El Toro and they locked up again.  This time Jerry shoved El Toro into the opposite corner.  The crowd roared with excitment as El Toro moved toward Jerry with one hand raised in the air.
    "Looks like El Toro is asking for a test of strength." said JR.
    "Not smart on his part." added Eros.  Jerry didn't hesitate and went right into the knuckle lock.
    "Jerry has the hight advantage here." commented Eros.
    They both seemed to have each other at a stand still.  After a few seconds their hands began to go up.
    "Hands are going up!" yelled JR.
    "This could be a toss up!" added Eros, "Wait, Jerry's winning it!"
    "Jerry's got those knuckles turned over," said JR, "And... El Toro goes down to his knees!"
    El Toro shook his head.  He wouldn't give so easily.  He strenghted his way back up to one knee.  Finally he fought back onto his feet and the crowd went mad.
    "El Toro's gotta get those knuckles over!" yelled JR, "And he does Jerry's down!"
    "Who would have thought!" added Eros.
    El Toro had Jerry down but Jerry was relentless.  Jerry also fought back up onto one knee.
    "Adonis is fighting back now!" said Eros.
    Jerry made it back to his feet, but El Toro took him down with a leg sweep and quickly hit an elbow drop.  Toro went for a pin, but Jerry kicked out at one.
    El Toro rolled to his corner and tagged in Cason.  Jerry looked up at Cason and shook his head.  He moved over to his corner and tagged in Savage.
    Cason and Savage locked up and Cason pushed Savage into the corner.  Savage turned her around into the corner.
    "Get her out!" yelled the referee, "One, Two, Three!"
    Savage let go and backed up rather pleased with himself.  Cason came back and they locked up again.  This time Savage went to a side headlock, but Cason rolled backwards and slung Savage across the mat.  Savage got up and came back in quickly.  They locked up again, and Savage went back to his side headlock.  Cason promptly repeated her roll and slung Savage toward the 2XW corner.  Savage got up visibly agrivated.
    "Cason is giving Savage a little wrestling lesson here." said JR.
    "I don't think Savage thought it would go quite this way here in the early goings." added Eros, "I might suggest Cason is just a hair quicker than Savage."
    Savage got up and went back to a lock up with Cason.  This time Cason turned it into a wrist lock on Savage.
    "Cason wrenching down on that wrist there," said JR.
    Savage reversed and went back to the standing side headlock.  Cason rolled back again but this time Savage held on.  Cason fought back to her feet and Savage took her back down with a side headlock takeover.  Cason slapped the mat in frusteration, before fighting back to her feet.  Cason backed him into the roaps and shot him out.  Savage hit the roaps and came back to receive a hip toss from Cason.  Cason came down for a cover but Savage pushed her away with his feet.  Cason took a bump but got up only for Savage to take her back down with another side headlock takeover.  Cason quickly applied the head scissors to escape.  They both got to their feet and paused.  The crowd ate it up and roared once again.
    "Savage," yelled Owens, "Get over here!"  Savage backed over to his corner.
    "Looks like his team is giving him some advice." said JR.
    "Trying to get his head back in the game," added Eros.
    Savage tagged out to Stingray and Cason tagged out to Tom.  Tom came in and went right to a side headlock on Stingray.  But Stingray wasn't playing around.  He shoved Tom into the roaps and Tom was caught with an elbow in the but of the jaw as he bounced back.  Stingray went to stomping on Tom.  As Tom started to stand back up Stingray threw a few right hands that conected square on Tom's jaw.  Stingray whipped him into the roaps and Tom came back into a back body drop.  Tom stumbled back to his feet and came to rest on the roaps next to the 2XW corner.  Stingray came running and closelined Tom right over the top to the outside.  El Toro, JTR, and Cason started to run around to check on Tom.
    "Get back in your corner!" yelled the referee.
    The ref quickly got out and stopped JTR.  Jerry, and Savage stood in the way of Cason, and El Toro as Owens and Stingray double teamed Tom.
    "Open your eyes ref!" JTR yelled.
    "Get back in your corner!" responded the referee.
    "Look what's goin' on!" yelled JTR.
    "Get back in your corner!"
    JTR stepped back toward his corner and the referee noticed the stand off between Cason, El Toro, Jerry, and Savage.
    "Hey," yelled the ref as he got in between the four, "Get back to your corners!"
    JTR took the oppertunity.  He ran round the ring and lept at Stingray.  JTR went to throwing wild punches until Owens pulled him off and shoved in the direction of Cason and El Toro.
    "Hey," yelled the ref as he seperated the two teams, "What did I say!?  Back to your corners!"
    Stingray started choking Tom while the others had the referee distracted.
    "He's chokin' him ref!" yelled Cason.
    "Get back to your corner or I'll throw you outta this match!" yelled the ref.  Team Kittens slowly backed away as did 2XW.  Stingray broke the choke hold and the referee was none the wiser.
    "Get it back in the ring Stingray!" ordered the referee.
    Stingray rolled Tom back in, the damage done.  Stingray tagged out to Savage who continued to work over Tom.
    "Well this is not where Tom wants to be," JR said, "he is in the wrong corner."
    "Right," added Eros, "He needs to make his way over to the Kittens corner as quick as possible."
    Savages goes straight into an arm bar and holds it in tight.  After a minute or two he drives his knee into Tom's shoulder in attempts to work him down, but goes right back to the arm bar.  Savage continues to work over Tom's arm in various ways.
    Tom finally fights back to his feet but Savage holds tight to Tom's arm.  Tom backs Savage into the roaps and shoots him out.  Savage comes back and takes Tom down with a shoulder block.  Savage goes into the roaps again and Tom rolls over.  Savage leaps over Tom and hits the roaps again.  When Savage comes back Tom hits him with a drop toe hold.  Savage goes down and Tom goes to a hammer lock on Savage.  Savage twists out and gets Tom into a hammer lock.  Savage pulls Tom back to the 2XW corner and tags in Jerry.
    Jerry comes in and stomps on Toms arm twice more.  He then whips Tom into the corner and then hits him with a suplex.  Jerry goes for the pin but Tom kicks out at two.
    Jerry gets to his feet and waits for Tom to stand up.  Tom finds his feet and turns around.  Jerry is waiting and lifts Tom off the ground with a massive bear hug.  Jerry locks it in hard and Tom lets out a scream.
    "Hang in there!" yells JTR from the corner.
    The pain on Tom is immense.  Tom grabs at Jerry's hair in desperation and pulls.
    "Get off the hair!" yelled the referee.
    Tom let go and let out another scream.  Jerry broke the hold and whipped Tom and the turnbuckle yet again.  Tom hit so hard this time that he bounced back at Jerry and right back into the bear hug.  Tom pulled at Jerry's hair yet again and the referee yelled yet again.
    "Come on, Dad!" yelled JTR.
    "Hang in there!" added El Toro.
    But Tom was starting to fade.  The ref grabbed Tom's hand and lifted it.
    "Come on!" yelled Cason.  Tom's hand fell.
    "ONE!" yelled the referee.
    "NO!" yelled JTR, "Come on!  Hang in there!"  JTR and El Toro started beating the turnbuckle.  The crowd began clapping trying to get behind Tom.  The referee picked up Tom's hand again, and again it fell.
    "TWO!"
    Jerry had a twisted smile on his face.  He squeezed a little tighter.  The referee raised his Tom's hand the third time and let go.  Tom's hand started to fall but at the last second he caught himself.  The crowd came up out of their seats as Tom began to fight back.  Tom began punching Jerry in the face and finally Jerry let go.
    Jerry hit the roaps and came at Tom with a closeline.  Tom ducked and Jerry hit the roaps again.  As Jerry came back Tom lost his footing and fell down.  Jerry lept over Tom and inadvertently knocked out the referee.
    All hell broke loose when the ref went down.  Team Kittens and Team 2XW stormed the ring and the whole afair turned into a knock down drag out fight which resulted in most of the combatants being down and out on the outside.
    Jerry and El Toro found themselves in the ring.  Jerry had the upperhand.  After a few punches Jerry picked El Toro up for the Director's Cut.  The referee began to find his way to his feet.  Suddenly JTR slid into the ring.  Jerry turned, El Toro in hand, and was caught with a super kick from JTR.  As the referee stood up El Toro pulled Tom's arm over Jerry.  The ref turned around and counted three.
    "Jerry Adonis is eliminated!" boomed Poseidon.
    Stingray slid in and tossed JTR out of the ring.  El Toro came at Stingray and got back dropped over the roaps to the outside.  Stingray then went for the cover on Tom and got a three count on the fall.
    "Tom Ray is eliminated!" came Poseidon's voice.
    JTR climbed onto the apron and yelled at Stingray.  While Stingray wasn't looking Cason slid in and locked him into a dragon sleeper.  Savage slid in the ring.
    "Watch out!" yelled JTR.
    As Savage started to run Cason dropped Stingray into a reverse DDT.  Savage missed Cason and got caught with a guillotine drop from JTR.  Cason got a three count on Stingray and lept at Savage.  She got a two count on the fall.
    "Stingray is eliminated!" boomed Poseidon.
    Cason climbed up to her feet and pulled Savage up to his.  She locked him into the dragon sleeper.  Savage grabbed Cason's head and reversed it into the Savage Cutter.  Savage rolled over and picked up the three count.
    "Cason Jones is eliminated!"
    JTR came in and went for another SuperKick.  Savage caught it and spun JTR around into a Savage Cutter.  El Toro slid in for the save.  He hit Savage with a neck breaker and then threw up the Bam sign.  The crowd came out of their seats again.
    "EL TORO!" yelled El Toro.  El Toro threw up the bull horns as Savage began to get up.  The crowd was cheering and screaming at the top of their lungs.  Savage turned around and got leveled with the Bull's Eye.  El Toro got a three count on the fall.
    "EL TORO!" yelled El Toro again.  Suddenly Owens slid in behind El Toro and rolled him up.  The referee went to count and didn't see Owens grab the tights.  Owens picked up the three and El Toror shot to his feet.  El Toro came at Owens but the referee stopped him.
    "He had the tights ref!" yelled El Toro.
    "I didn't see anything but your shoulder's on the mat." responded the referee.
    "El Toro and Mike Savage are eliminated!" boomed Poseidon.
    "No," argued El Toro, "No!  He had the tights."
    "You're outta here," yelled the ref.
    El Toro shoved the referee aside and shot towards Owens.  Owens was caught off gaurd and the full affect of the Bull's Eye was felt.  Only then did El Toro leave the ring.
    "Well that was wild!" said JR.
    "I'll drink to that, Ross." added Eros, "And now we're down to JTR and David Owens."
    Owens and JTR stumble to their feet.  Owens rushes JTR and whips him into the roaps.  JTR catches a knee to the gut on the way back and Owens follows up with a head but to the lower abdomen.  Owens stands up feeling he's in control.  Owens hits a leg drop and goes to a reverse chin lock.
    JTR fights his way to his feet and counters with a jaw breaker.  JTR comes back with a leg drop of his own.
    "Turnabout is fare play," said Eros.
    JTR goes to a bridging arm bar and holds it in tight.
    "Ray may be trying to hyperextend the elbow here," commented JR.
    "And doing an excellent job," added Eros.
    JTR lands and elbow to Owens' shoulder and goes back to the arm bar.  Owens rolls over, nips up, and reverses into a side headlock.  JTR backs him into the roaps and shoots him out.  JTR jumps at Owens when he comes back and Owens counters into a spinbuster.  Owens then goes back to the reverse chin lock.
    "Owens goes back to the neck of JTR," said JR.
    JTR slowly fights up to his feet.  The crowd seems to be solidly behind JTR now.  JTR counters into an arm drag takedown.  Owens gets up quick to be met with a hard closeline.  JTR pauses as the pain he has endured begins to catch up to him.
    JTR picks Owens up and goes to whip him, but Owens reverses and sends JTR into the roaps.  JTR catches a closeline and Owens goes back to the reverse chin lock.  JTR is becoming more and more frusterated.
    "Owens showing great skill here." comments Eros.
    Feeling that JTR won't give up Owens picks him up and goes to whip him into the corner.  This time JTR reverses and Owens catches a knee to the stomach.  JTR then scoops Owens up and hits a hammerlock slam.  Feeling the momentum shift JTR tosses Owens into the corner shoulder first.  He then turns around and tosses him into the opposite corner shoulder first.
    JTR goes to a wrist lock, but Owens quickly reverses into his own wristlock.  JTR reverses back to his own wristlock and Owens throws three rights that take JTR by surprise.  Owens whips JTR and JTR reverse.  Owens comes off the roaps into a power slam from JTR.  JTR gets a two count on the fall.
    JTR begins to pull Owens to his feet.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, Owens throws his hands out and grabs JTR by the throat.  JTR fthrows out his hands and takes Owens by the throat.  Both of them are attempting to choke each other into submisson.
    "Why... are you... doing this?" JTR asks in the heat of the moment.
    "You... brought this... on... yourself," answered Owens, "when... you told Poseidon... to kill... the other teams."
    "We... never told him... to kill the other... teams," responded JTR.  They both loosened their grips.
    "That's a lie!" Owens yelled.
    "No!" argued JTR, "We saved his dragon and he said he'd delay the other teams."
    "But, the Old Man of the Sea said you told Poseidon to kill us."
    "That was Poseidon," continued JTR, "Poseidon was controlling the Old Man of the Sea."
    "How do you know?" asked Owens.
    "Um... Vince McMahone told us..."
    Owens let go of JTR, "Oh... well it must be true then."  JTR let go of Owens.
    "Why have you stopped!?" boomed Poseidon.
    "Why did you tell us Team Kittens told you to kill us?" asked Owens.
    "Crap," Poseidon muttered to himself.
    "Well?" yelled JTR.
    "Okay, fine!  You caught me!" yelled Poseidon, "Team Kittens didn't ask me to kill anyone.  I did that own my own.  I pointed 2XW in the right way to save the other teams just so I could turn you all against each other."
    "Why?" asked Owens.  The crowd turned their attention to the V.I.P. box where Poseidon sat.
    "Why?" Poseidon repeated, "WHY!  When any one talks about the Gods who do they think of?  ZEUS!  Why should my youngest brother get all the glory?  I was prepared for all that to come to an end.  And when this race got so big and the world started following it so closely I saw my chance.  All I need do was turn you all against each other and let the world watch as their new found heros turned on each other.  What would the world think of its heros then.  If the people of the world saw how easily their heros became so blood thirsty then the gods would have purpose again."
    JTR and Owens paused as they took this all in.  Their team mates had begun to come back out to the ring.
    "Isn't there still enough cowardice, sloth, and mendacity here on earth that you guys can be useful?" asked JTR.
    "Yes," answered Poseidon, "But who do the people turn to?"  Everyone paused.  No one knew quite what answer Poseidon was looking for.
    "Anyone?" asked Poseidon, "No?  They turn to Yahweh!  Just because he created the heavens and the earth!  Well, no matter.  I can still make my mark here today."  An evil smirk came across Poseidon's face, "I may not be able to help the gods but I WILL BE REMEMBERED!  Release the Lions!"
    At that a trap door opened up under the ring and almost twenty big lions came rushing out.  The people in the crowd gave a cheer of excitment.  Team Kittens and 2XW were surounded by lions.  Taylor, Taylor, Amos, Woody, and Brian Hasset jumped out of their V.I.P. box and ran to help them.
    The lions had a hungry look in their eyes.  Like they hadn't been fed in days.  Thusly the Taylors, Amos, Woody, and Brian's quick movments caught their eyes and the turned to attack.  Team Kittens and 2XW found their moment and pounced on as many of the lions as they could handle.  The crowd went cheered uncontrolably as the fight broke out between animal and man.
    JTR super kicked a lion, while Jerry body slamed another.  One of the lions reared up on its hind legs and caught a Bull's eye from El Toro.  Cason had one of the lions in a sleeper hold and it was jumping around trying to sling her off.  Amos had grabbed one of them by the tail hand was just trying to stay away from the other end of the lion.  Girl Taylor had produced a giant wooden spoon from lord knows where and was beating some poor lion over the head with it.
    JTR and El Toro had just got one of the lions to tap out to the Break for the Border when a sound met their ears.  It was a helicoptor.  The action stopped for a moment.  Even the lions seemed interested in this new development.
    "What now?" Cason said to herself.  Then she noticed the letters on the side of the chopper and her blood ran cold.  It was PETA.
    Just then a voice came from the chopper, "Team Kittens!  Surrender the vehicle!"
    "Never!" yelled Cason as she hopped on one of the lions and rode it toward the nearest exit.
    "Wait," came the voice from the chopper, "What are you doing to those poor defencless lions!?"
    "Oh boy," whispered JTR as Cason's lion realized it didn't have to go where she told it.  The helicopter landed and eight big PETA men jumped out.  They rushed forward and the fight started up.  Only now the teams were fighting the lions, the lions were trying to eat the people, and PETA was trying to protect the lions.
    Poseidon rolled his eyes.  Things were begining to fall out of his favor so he picked up his cell phone and dialed a number.
    "Hey, bro, what's happenin'!" he said into the phone, "... no man, I... I... can you here me... okay, I was meaning to call you anyway... hey... you there... okay, yea but since I got you could you... could you come gimme a hand up here... you there... sorry... oh, good... oh and bring the dog please."
    Poseidon hung up and almost instantly the sky darkened and there was a crack of thunder.  The lions all instantly stopped and roared at the sky.  Suddenly a ball of flame ignited next to Poseidon and Hades appeared next in it.  There was a flash of lightning as everyone noticed his arrival.
    No one knew what to expect now.  They all seemed to be expecting the worst.  JTR looked at his frightened friends and decided he needed to break the fear.  So he took a stepped forward and adressed Hades.
    "Hey Hades!" JTR yelled, "You may be the ruler of the underworld back in Greece, but here you're nothing but a stupid icy dwarf!"
    Everyone in the Colosseum looked at JTR confused.
    "What?" said El Toro.
    Poseidon turned to Hades, "Where's the dog?"
    Suddenly the earth shook and a crack opened in the ground.  A massive paw came out of the crack and a giant creature pulled itself up.  It was Cerberus the gaurdian of the gate to the underworld.
    "Oh," said JTR as the giant three headed dog gave an angry growel.  The audiance finally decided they had seen enough.  The Colosseum erupted in panic.  Team Save the Silence, Save the trees, Teach Trees to Read, and Arizona Heart decided it wasn't worth sticking around so they booked it for their cars.
    "Come on!" yelled El Toro, "We can take him!"
    At that Cerberus bent over and ate all the lions almost all at once.
    "Hey," said one of the PETA men, "That giant dog just ate the poor lions."
    One of his PETA buddies leaned over to him, "That's natural though."
    "Oh," said the first PETA guy.
    El Toro took off running right for Cerberus' leg.  He hit the Bull's Eye dead on in the center of Cerberus' ankle and fell motionless to the ground.  Cerberus bent over and sniffed El Toro.  Savage saw his moment and went for the Savage Cutter on the left head.  He had no sooner grabbed Cerberus' head then Cerberus had stood back up.  Savage hung on for dear life as he was now dangling by Cerberus' jaw way up in the air.
    "Hang on!" yelled Jerry, "I'll save you!"  Jerry ran up and grabbed Cerberus' leg and tryed with all his might to jerk him around.  But the giant dog didn't move and inch.  Cerberus picked up this paw and began trying to shake Jerry off, which insidentally was shaking Savage rather bad.  Just then JTR saw his moment.
    "Cason, come on!" he yelled.  Cason hesitantly followed as JTR ran under Cerberus.
    "Where are they going?" asked Girl Taylor.
    "I don't know," responded Guy Taylor, "But I wanna go.  Stay here and distract the big doggy."
    "How?" asked Girl Taylor as Guy Taylor booked it after JTR and Cason.  JTR, Cason, and Guy Taylor ran to Cerberus' tail.  Cerberus began started to look under himself to see what was going on.  Girl Taylor looked around trying to find a way to distract the big beast.  Then she went for broke and just threw her big wooden spoon at Cerberus' paw.  It struck him in the little toe and Cerberus yelped.  JTR, Cason, and Guy Taylor grabbed Cerberus' tail and climbed up on his back.
    "Now what," asked Cason.
    "I'm... um... not sure." said JTR, "I just figured his back would be the best place to attack him from.  Guess I didn't think this through."
    In the mean time Cerberus had bent down at Girl Taylor and was glaring at her with evil eyes.
    "Um..." she said, "Good doggy."
    "Eat her!" yelled Hades.
    "Hey," yelled a PETA man, who had been watching all this with sophistic glee, "You can't tell that poor defencless giant beast dog what to do!"
    PETA ran forward and the quick movment caught Cerberus' eye.  He jerked towards them slinging Jerry and Savage into the panicing mob in the stands.  JTR, Cason, and Taylor grabbed a hold of fur and hung on.  Cerberus gulped down the eight PETA men as JTR, Cason, and Taylor made a bee line up Cerberus' neck and onto his heads.  They each picked and eye and poked it.  Cerberus let out a mighty roar that shook the Colosseum.
    "Yea," said Tom, "I think it's time to go."  Tom, Stingray, Owens, Borden, RJ, Girl Taylor, and Amos took off for the exit.  Cerberus shook so hard that he tossed JTR, Cason, and Taylor into the V.I.P. box where Corn and Cob were sleeping.
    Cerberus caught sight of the others running for the exit and lept out in front of them.  He glared down at them and all hope seemed lost.
    Suddenly off in the distance came the sound of a huge vehicle speeding their way.  Cerberus looked up as a Chevy Deluxe Monster Truck came crashing through the opposite enterance.  Sheriff Charles stepped out of the vehicle.
    "Hey," he said, "I saw this her shindig going on and I figured a shindig ain't really a shindig without a little Sheriff Charles."
    "Shoot him Charles!" yelled Cason.
    "Shoot him?" replied Charles, "What?  The monster dog?  You crazy?  I don't carry real bullets, 'em things're dangerous."
    "Crap," whispered Cason.
    "Well, now hold on," said Charles, "I'll fix it."
    Sheriff Charles started across the Colosseum toward Cerberus.  Everyone got dead silent.  All that could be heard echoing threw the Colosseum was Charles' foot steps.  He walked right up to Cerberus, who bent over and looked Sheriff Charles in the eye.
    Sheriff Charles glared at the dog and then said, "Who's a good doggie!?"
    Everyone was taken aback.  Cerberus' ears stood up as Sheriff Charles was using a very cute voice.
    "Who's a good doggie!?" he continue, "That's right!  You are!  Aren't you!?  Aren't you!?  Yes you are!  Yes you are!"
    Cerberus' tail started wagging and Poseidon and Hades shot a glance at each other.
    Cason suddenly giggled, "I just got the icy dwarf joke."
    "Sit," said Sheriff Charles.  Cerberus sat, tail still wagging.
    "Speak," commanded Charles.  Cerberus let out a ear splitting woof.  Sheriff Charles very confedently bent over and picked up the wooden spoon Girl Taylor had thrown earlier.  Everyone watched in awe.
    "You want the stick!?" yelled Charles.  Cerberus jumped up and barked.  He then got low to the ground, wagging his tail.  "You want it!?"  Cerberus barked again.  So Sheriff Charles threw the spoon.  It flew through the air and landed in Poseidon's V.I.P. box.
    Cerberus took off and lept at the V.I.P. box.  Poseidon and Hades sharred a frightened glance before Cerberus' full weight came down on them.  He had taken out a whole quarter of the Colosseum but by god he had gotten that stick, or so he thought.  Cerberus returned to Sheriff Charles and very proudly dropped a human leg at his feet.
    "Good boy!" said Sheriff Charles, "Now play dead."
    Cerberus rolled over on his back and closed his eyes.
    "Good Boy!" said Charles.  He the turned around to the others and a wave of fear came over his face, "RUN!!!  For god's shake, RUN!!!"
    Sheriff Charles took off for the Deluxe.  Everyone else paused breifly before following suit and taking off.
    "What was all that?" asked JTR as he caught up to Charles.
    "What?" he responded, "Oh, yea.  Well you just can't show'em any fear."
    They all lept into their respective vehicles and found the quickest path out of Rome.  In the mean time Zeus showed up at the Colosseum.  Poseidon and Hades were just starting to wake up.
    "Serves you right," Zeus commented.  He walked over to Cerberus, who was still playing dead.  "Okay, up boy."
    Cerberus opened one eye, saw Zeus, and closed his eye again.  Zeus rolled his eyes and sighed.  He pulled out his cell phone and called Sheriff Charles.  Unfortunatly the call was dropped.
    Zeus started to dial again then laughed to himself, "Icy dwarf."
    The Teams all pulled into Amsterdam at around the same time.  They were greeted with a welcome party.  The race commity had decided to throw a halfway party for the racers.  The party would be held at the Heineken Music Hall.  There would be music and food and all sorts of party things.
    Also each team was awarded prizes based on how many times they had been first to a check point.  Team Kittens was granted payment by Lucasfilm for anything they did while at Amsterdam.  Team 2XW was granted the ability to replace a team member.  Team T&T was granted the ability to turn away the cameras while in Amsterdam.  Team Sheriff's Car was granted the ability to change vehicles if need be.
    All the teams had been give first class hotels for their stay in Amsterdam.  It was a nice change of pace for everyone.  Team Kittens was enjoying the luxury of their hotel when the noticed that RJ was missing.
    When team Kittens arrived at the Heineken Music Hall the other teams had already gotten there.  There was still no sign of RJ.  Team Kittens was escorted to the special guest area where they met up with the other teams.
    JTR walked over to David Owens and asked, “So, before the little insident back there in Rome, where had you guys been?”
    Owens responded, “On the Death Star.”
    “Oh,” said JTR, “neat.”
    Suddenly the lights dimmed and the music started up.  A man walked out on stage.  It was Weird Al Yankovic.  Weird Al picked up a microphone and began to speak, “Hey, everybody!  Let’s here it for the race teams of the Great Lucasfilm Race!”  The crowd roared with approval, “They’ve asked me here to play for the racers, but before I do let me tell you a little story.  I was brain washed once.”  JTR smiled to himself.
    Weird Al continued, “But you know what?  I was saved by three of the members of one of the teams.  One of them has revealed to me that he has a band of his own and has agreed to play with me tonight.”  The music kicked up again and RJ and the Americans ran out on stage.
    “So that’s where he’s been.” said Tom.
    “Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Amsterdam!” yelled RJ, “Let’s rock out!”
    The music picked up and Weird Al started singing, “Don’t wanna be a Canadian Idiot!”
    RJ chimed in, “Don’t wanna be some beer-swillin’ hockey nut!”
    Weird Al, “And do I look like some frost-bitten hose head?”
    RJ, “I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed!”
    Everyone was dancing and having a really good time listening to the music.  Girl Taylor was enjoying herself but as she began to look around and notice there were a lot of couples in the audience.  She tried to continue enjoying herself but seeing all the other couples made her suddenly get real nostalgic for home.  As she scanned the audience his eyes fell on JTR who also seemed to be a little home sick.  JTR looked over and noticed Girl Taylor looking at him and the two of them turned away really quickly.
    “Sure they got their national health care, Cheaper meds for prime rates and clean air,” sang RJ.
    Weird Al, “Then again, well they got Celine Dion!”
    RJ and Weird Al, “Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni and dream of driving a Zamboni all over Saskatchewan!”
 
    After the concert teams Kittens, 2XW, Sheriff’s Car, T&T, Arizona Heart, and Save the Trees were meandering back to their hotels.
    “Man that was off the hook!” yelled Jorge.
    “Yea,” chimed in guy Taylor, “Man I’m so not ready to turn in!”
    “Well, then screw it,” yelled Jorge, “We’re in Amsterdam!  Let’s go out!  Let’s totally rock this night to the ground!”
    “Hell yeah!” added Sheriff Charles, “I’m in!”
    Jorge shot a look in David Owens’ direction, “You in?”
    “Why not?” answered Owens, “Jerry?”
    Adonis was watching Cason Jones, “No, I think I’m gonna go out somewhere else tonight.” said Adonis.  With that he walked right over to Cason.
    Cason looked up at Adonis and said, “Um… can I help you?”
    Adonis responded, “Do you… um… do you wanna… go out tonight?”
    Cason thought for a moment, “Um… well… sure why not.”
    “Oh, well, if you don’t want to… wait… what?”
    “I said yes, I’ll go out with you tonight,” answered Cason.
    “Awesome,” said Adonis.
    “Hey,” said RJ, “Did I just hear that you two are going out tonight.  That’s awesome hey maybe Skycam and I can double date with you!”
    “Yea, well I don’t know…” said Adonis.
    “Sure,” said Cason.  Adonis glanced at Cason.
    “Sweet!” said RJ, “I’ll go get Skycam!”
    Meanwhile Jorge, Guy Taylor, Sheriff Charles, and David Owens were still hyped about going out partying.
    “Hey, what about you JTR?” asked Jorge.  JTR noticed Girl Taylor walking off looking really sad.
    “Pass,” said JTR, “I think I’m gonna turn in early.”  JTR followed after Girl Taylor.
    “Hey, I’ll go!” said Tom.  Jorge, Taylor, Charles, and Owens paused for a moment.
    “Um… yea, how ‘bout no,” said Taylor.
    “What?  Why?” asked Tom.
    “Um…” said Jorge, “…well you know, we’re probably gonna stay up all night… and um… drink… and um… pick up women.”
    “Yea,” added Owens, “and we’ll likely be movin’ pretty quick, we wouldn’t wanna lose you.”
    “Just what are you implying… that I’m old?” asked Tom.
    “Um… well,” responded Taylor, “Yea… kinda.”
    Stingray got mad at this, “Now wait just a damn minute!  Where do you get off tellin’ Tom he can’t party with you because of his age?  You think we can’t party?”
    Owens responded, “Probably not as hard as us.”
    Brian T. Hassett stepped up and said, “I’ll have you know I was waking up with hangovers next to strange women before you were even thought of!”
    “Yea!” added Tom.
    “Alright then,” said Jorge with a twisted smile, “Why don’t you prove it.”
    “How?” asked Stingray.
    “You guys go out tonight, and we’ll go out tonight.” said Jorge, “Who ever has the better night and is more trashed tomorrow has to… um…”
    “The losers have to restart the race tomorrow on top of their respective vehicles in nothing but their birthday suits,” said Stingray.
    “That’s fine you’re on!” said Jorge.  With that Jorge, Taylor, Charles, and Owens ran off into Amsterdam night.  Tom, Stingray, and Brian Hassett turned and ran off the other direction.  Jimbob noticed everyone running away and decided to run off in another direction yelling, “Wooooooooooooooo, I love to run around aimlessly!”  Jimbob ran right past a sign that read, “Welcome to De Wallen.”
    “Uh oh,” said Savage, “That’s not good.”
    “What?” asked Borden.
    Savage looked over at Borden, “De Wallen is the largest and best-known red-light district in Amsterdam.”
    “So,” said Amos who had overheard Savage talking to Borden.
    “So,” said Savage, “the red-light district is where… um…”
    “Where, what?” asked Borden.
    “Um…” responded Savage, “…well… you guys don’t know what the red-light district is?”
    “No,” answered Amos.
    “Well…” said Savage, “… it’s… um… it’s a network of alleys containing several hundred tiny one room apartments rented by female prostitutes who offer their ‘services’ from behind a window.”
    “What?” asked Borden.
    “He means there are whores offering sex there,” said Amos.
    “Oh,” said Borden, “… yea, I’m still not sure why Jimbob going there is a bad thing.”
    Savage turned away from Borden and talked to Amos, “Look just think what kinda trouble Jimbob could get into there.”
    “I don’t wanna think about it,” said Amos, “Come on we gotta stop him!”  Savage and Amos took off after Jimbob.
    “Hey!” said Borden, “Wait for me!”  Borden took off after Savage and Amos.
 
    Girl Taylor found her way to a phone and began to dial a number.  Right as she began to punch the last number JTR walked up.
    "Don't do it," he said, "Don't..."
    Taylor paused for a moment, "I've gotta talk to him."
    "I know," said JTR, "but don't do it."
    "Why not?" she asked.
    "You're just like me.  You want him you'll call him and it won't make you feel any better."
    "Well," she yelled, "What would you do!?"
    "Me?" JTR thought, "I'd call... then I'd make a big deal about how I had to call them and why didn't they call me.  They'd sound happy and I'd reason that it was because they're happier with out me or not missing me as much as I was them.  I'd want to stay on the phone and thus mull over my last comment before hanging up and then want to call back and correct my last statment.  And generally be less happy then when the whole thing started."
    "Oh," responded Taylor.  She hung up the phone, "Well, what should I do then?"
    "Why don't you point the cameras in another direction since you can," said JTR, "and you and I can go hang out and talk... if you want to?"
    Taylor paused for a moment, "Thanks... I'd like that."  She waved the cameras away and she and JTR walked off.
 
The Jimbob Chase
    Jimbob had run straight into the red light district of Amsterdam.  Savage, Borden, and Amos all ran after him.  Along the way, they saw several of the girls in the windows, and they heard Jimbob constantly saying, “OOOH Boobies.”  They checked the stores as they ran by to make sure he had not gone into one.
    Then further down the street, they saw him turn down a side alley.  They followed him to a dead end with a fancy door, and no window.  It just had a sign that said “Madam Lilith’s.”
    “Well I guess this is where he went,” said Savage.  Borden looked excited to goin.
    Amos with a grim look said, “I don’t really think we should go, there’s nothing but sin and vice in there.”  Savage opened the door and went in, followed by Borden and a reluctant Amos.  As they entered, a woman came up wearing barely anything.
    “Welcome to Madam Lilith’s we’ve been expecting you; please look through our catalog to see what you would like?”  She handed Borden and Savage each a catalog.
    Amos quickly said, “Look I think you’ve got the wrong idea, we are looking for a guy named Jimbob.  He ran down this alley and this is the only place he could've gone.”  The woman didn’t answer him but watched as Borden and Savage looked through pictures of positions.  Borden was nearly slobbering.
    The woman asked, “Well gentlemen have you chosen?  No?  Just come to the back.  The girls in the back will help you.”
    Amos, tiring to seize the moment, said, “Wait we don’t have any money we can’t pay you, just tell us where Jimbob went and we will get out of here.”
    The woman turned quickly around giving Amos the worst look imaginable, “You gentlemen are part of the race; we are giving you our services for free, call it a gift from our madam.  And if you are not going to join in the fun, you can either sit here in the lobby, or wait outside and look for your friend.”
    She pushed Amos out of the way and took Savage and Borden to the back.  She led Savage and Borden to their rooms.  As savage entered he saw a plethora of sex toys.  Ranging from sex dice to full leather outfits.  He sat down on the bed and waited for his girl.  He did not have to wait long, a red head walked in, she didn’t say a word and started to undress him.  As she did this she slowly started to strap him to the bed.
    Savage was just about ready to relax when he felt a surge of pain coming from his leg.  He flinched and started to jerk his arms and legs, but he was not able to get out.  He looked at the girl; she rose up with her mouth slightly dripping blood.
    “Aah what the hell is going on!”
    She smiled at him and said, “Oops I thought you would like that, guess I was wrong.”
    Savage yelled back, “What do you mean you thought I would like that.  You just took a chunk out of my leg.  Get me out.  That crap has ruined my moment.”
    The woman hissed at him and said, “No.”  At that moment her face changed, her eyes darkened, and she seemed to gain fangs and howled at him.  She lept onto the bed and opened her mouth clearly ready to bite down on anything she wanted.
    Suddenly Amos kicked in the door, the girl turned around right as Amos threw a knife straight at her.  It landed right between her eyes, she burst into dust, and the knife fell to the floor in a pile of dirt.  Amos picked up the knife, cut Savage loose, and told him to get dressed.  Amos walked to Borden’s room and repeated the first encounter.
    Amos came first to Savage, who by now had his cloths on, “We need to find Jimbob.  Who knows what trouble he has gotten into in this evil place.”
    The door down the hall flung open and three girls rushed out, Amos threw three knives each found their mark, and each girl screamed and became a pile of dust.  They each walked down the hall and found a lone door.  Amos opened it ready to throw if more girls showed.
    They walked into a large room, with a single bed.  From a door in the back out walked the most gorgeous woman they had ever seen.  Amos threw a knife; she caught it, and laughed.
    “Aww how cute, a knife.”  Amos threw three more, two she blocked the third caught her right in the chest.  She reached up and pulled it out.  She then said, "Aww surprised I’m not turning into dust.  Please.  I have been alive longer than you three can comprehend.  If you think you can kill me, don’t count on it, I was created to tempt God’s creation, man.  Think about it, Bathsheba, Delilah, all me in some different form.  I am not human enough to die.  Usually I kill the men who find out my secret, but I have given them all a chance.  I let any man free who can satisfy me.”
    Amos stepped up and said, “Well if that’s the case then lets get it on sister.”
    She held up her hand and said, “Don’t worry about it boys it’s taken care of.”  Jimbob came out of the door smoking a cigarette.  Amos grabbed Jimbob and he led Borden and Savage out.
    As they walked down the alley Savage turned to Amos and said, “I think I've had enough fun, lets go get drunk and pass out.”  As they turned the corner, they saw a large group of women who seemed to be looking at someone.  Savage walked over to see what was going on.  In the middle of the crowd sat a guy looking at a book.  It said Wolves of the world.
    Savage said, “Oh no, not him.”  The guy put down the book and it was Steve Bryars.
    Steve said, “Hey Savage you busy stealing all my moves, I can't even go to Amsterdam without you copying me.  But anyway I heard you guys can get rid of a team member, well I want to be on the team.”
    Borden seeing where this was going to go walked up and was about to start talking when Jimbob yelled out, “I Wonder?”  He put a firecracker in Borden’s ear and lit it.  Borden’s head exploded.  Jimbob laughed the hardest he ever had.
    Steve looked at Savage and said, “You need a team member now, I’m in.” They walked off towards a bar.  Stepped in and started drinking.
    As Amos entered he laughed and said, “Icy drawf.”
 
The Double Date
    RJ ran to get Skycam to tell her that Cason and Adonis would be double dating with them.
    Skycam smiled real big and said, “Okay.”
    Along the way RJ and Skycam discussed their plans, which were to go to some of the fancier restaurants.  They went to their rooms to change into their formals.  Cason and Skycam both wore dresses that seemed amazingly stunning.  RJ wore a darker, less faded version of his normal hat and coat.  Adonis was wearing a T-shirt that had a suit and tie design on it.  He had ripped the sleeves off.  They took off for a restaurant.
    The one they came to looked very fancy, the host at the door noticed who they were and allowed them to enter.  As they sat down a waiter handed them some menus and then left.  RJ and Skycam looked at the menu flipped it upside down and both started to look at them.  Cason and Adonis looked at theirs and couldn’t understand a word of it.  The menus were in Dutch.
    Cason spoke up and said, “So what should we do point at a meal and hope its something good?”  Adonis was about to nod when RJ reached over, turned Adonis’s menu upside down and handed it back to him.  As Skycam was reaching for Cason’s menu Cason snatched it back and turned it upside down herself.  Remarkably this worked Adonis and Cason were able to read every thing.
    They asked, “Does that always work?”
    RJ and Skycam both said, “Yes.”
    The waiter came back and awaited their order.  RJ was the first to speak, “I think I want a bottle of your finest wine.”
    “And some cheese,” said Skycam.
    The waiter told them, “Sir that would be our only bottle of Dom. Romane Conti vintage 1997.  It is our finest wine, and it is quite expensive I believe it ranges at about $1,500 in American.”
    Both Cason and Adonis looked shocked, but RJ and Skycam didn’t seem fazed at all.
    “Ok sounds good to me,” RJ shouted out.
    The waiter looked amazed gave a big smile and said, “Excellent choice sir, you won’t be disappointed.”
    After the waiter left Cason leaned over the table and said, “RJ don’t try and act like ‘a somebody’ by buying their most expensive wine, we all know our team’s expenses are paid for by Lucas and Spielberg since we did so well in the race up to this point.”
    Skycam spoke up not even noticing Cason’s words and said, “RJ you know I hate it when you say things that way.  That waiter probably thinks were idiots, everybody knows you pronounce ‘wine’ in other countries as ‘weene’ sheesh I thought everybody knew that.”
    The waiter returned with a cooling unit and their wine bottle.  He uncorked it.  And poured a test amount into each glass.  Cason and Adonis both followed along as RJ and Skycam tested the wine.  The waiter then poured each a fuller glass.
    Skycam then yelled out, “Where’s our cheese, I would like some cheese with our weene.”
    The waiter looked at her and said, “Ah yes I did not forget ma’am.  But before I leave what shall we eating tonight.”
    They all looked at their menus and ordered.  The waiter walked away and as Cason and Adonis were about to say something Skycam started to snap at RJ again, “I can't believe how dumb you sound, it’s a wonder that waiter isn’t laughing at every word you say.”
    RJ snapped back, “Ok well the next time he comes you do all the talking.”
    Skycam then started crying and sobbed out, “You yelled at me,” then a loud sniffle, “All I said was you didn’t say a word right and you yell at me!”
    RJ trying to calm her down said, “I'm sorry honey I didn’t mean to.”
    All the while Adonis and Cason were giving each other real uncomfortable glances.  Skycam hearing RJ smiled and laughed.
    Cason leaned over to Adonis and whispered, “Guess we know who wears the pants in that family.”  The night at the restaurant carried on in much the same way.  Once their food arrived they started to dig in.  As with anything they talked about a lot of things.  Throughout their conversations Skycam continuously corrected RJ on how to say words.  After a little while Cason and Adonis didn’t even notice Skycam and RJ’s bickering.
    As they were finishing up their meal, RJ and Skycam looked at Cason and Adonis and said, “Its time for desert.”  The waiter walked up and they told him they would call him when they needed them.
    RJ and Skycam turned and said, “Well this may come as some sort of surprise, but we're celebrating our anniversary... and the way we celebrate is by burning down the restaurant.”
    Cason looked at them and said, “What?  Did you say you’re going to burn down the restaurant?  Cause as far as I know that’s considered bad no matter where you go.”
    Skycam put her finger to her mouth and said, “Shh.  Our first date RJ set the place on fire, and that’s when I knew he was the right guy for me, especially after he wrote a check for the damages.”  RJ called the waiter back and told him to get one of those flaming pudding things.  As the waiter walked away RJ took out a small can of lighter fluid and squirted it on the table.  Then he and Skycam got up and seemed to play a game of tic-tac-toe in lighter fluid.  Cason and Adonis couldn’t tell who won.  As RJ and Skycam sat back down Cason and Adonis looked shocked at the fact that RJ and Skycam were really going to go through with it.  Then they saw the waiter approaching.  As the waiter got to the table he set the pudding down.  RJ picked up a spoon and, before the waiter could even stop him, put the spoon into the fire, which ignited, he let out a scream dropped the spoon which caught the table on fire.  Then it followed a line of fluid igniting the tic-tac-toe board, Rj had won surprisingly enough.  Many other things in the building caught fire.  As the waiter and most of the other people screamed hurrying for extinguishers and a phone, Cason and Adonis were busy picking up their things.  RJ and Skycam however seemed to have disappeared.  Cason and Adonis looked around for them, but then they hurried outside because the smoke was getting heavy.
    When they walked out they sat on the curb.  Adonis looked at Cason and said, “Well I knew those two were stupid but I never figured they would... well you know... be smart enough to pull this off.”
    Cason looked at him and replied, “Well the least we should do is wait and see if they come out, I mean RJ is part of my team.  If we lose him then we lose the race.”  At that moment RJ and Skycam walked out of one of the doors, smiling and laughing.  Each blowing kisses and doing other weird things.
    They sat down and RJ said, “Well that was fun, so what now?”  Cason decided that they might as well go see the sights of the town.  So afterward they visited several other places, a Dutch bakery, which happened to catch fire as well.  As the daters went from place to place they encountered some interesting things, as well as leaving a fiery trail in their wake.  The only differences in these fires were that they were truly accidental.  One was caused by a gas leak and Adonis had thrown a cigarette away which caused an explosion.  Another was caused by some faulty wiring in a bathroom light switch.  When they left the last bar they noticed that the rest of the Amsterdam buildings had closed signs on them.  So the group decided to go to their hotels. Adonis and Cason walked off leaving RJ and Skycam telling them not to burn down the hotel they were in.
    As Adonis walked Cason to her room he said, “Well I'm not sure how much fun you had with those two.  Maybe we can try this again... you know without... them.”
    Cason looked up and smiled and said, “Yeah maybe we can, but just to let you know tomorrow when were racing again.  I don’t plan to go easy on you guys so be ready.”  They had walked all the way to Cason’s hotel room door.
    Cason then said, “Well ahh here we are, well I had a nice time Jerry.”  She reached up gave a Adonis a kiss on the cheek then stepped inside her room and closed the door.
    Adonis looked taken aback then started to walk back towards RJ and Skycam muttering to himself, “I'll kill RJ, he probably just ruined my chance at a good date.”  But when he got to where RJ and Skycam were, he couldn't find them.  So Adonis decided to go down to the hotel lobby and have a few drinks.  After those drinks he went to his room.
    Meanwhile: After Adonis and Cason walked off RJ led Skycam to the room.
    “Hey do you know what that icy dwarf joke people keep laughing at?" asked RJ.
    Skycm pleasantly replied, “No.”
    RJ looked around and said, “Well I figured we would get it by now seeing as how a whole bunch of other people have.”
    Then Skycam looked blankly at RJ and said, “Did you ever get the feeling that we are a part of some great big story written by a whole bunch of people, and that everything we do and did tonight seemed drawn out of somebody’s mind?  Like tonight it seems like whoever’s writing our night had a serious case of writer’s block and is just b.s.ing their way thru it hoping that the final product is decent.”
    RJ looked back at her shook his head no.
    Skycam smiled and said, “Me neither.”  They got to Skycams room she opened the door and stepped in.  RJ not even thinking stepped in too.
    Skycam whipped around, “What do you think you're doing I didn’t say you could come in.  Just because were married doesn’t mean I'm some kind of floozy.  Get out!”
    RJ then shouted back, “But you have my tooth brush in there.”
    “Well you should have thought about that before you tryied to force yourself in!” Yelled Skycam.
    RJ then with a frown and a sigh said, “Meece.”
    Skycam turned and asked, “What did you just say?”
    “I... said meece.”
    Skycam smiled real pretty and said, “Ohh you always know the right thing to say to cheer me up.  But you’re still sleeping on the couch.”  At that her face changed and looked as if she was concentrating on something really hard.  “I get it!” she yelled.
    “You get what?” asked RJ.
    “The icy dwarf joke.  But I don’t see why JTR would talk that way about penguins.”  She pulled RJ in still giggling and smiling.
    RJ yelled out, “Ahh!”
 

The Older Night

    Tom, Stingray, and Brian Hassett stopped shortly after they began to run away to figure out what they were going to do to have an awesome night. They sat down at a chess table at Der Tweede Kamer to talk. They sat and just stared at each other for a couple of minutes. Then suddenly Brian’s eyes lit up and he jumped up in excitement.

    “Hey!” he exclaimed, “I’ve got a great idea! Uh…..I’ll uh….. I’ll be back.” And with that Brian hurried out of the coffee shop. Tom and Stingray exchanged confused glances. Then suddenly thinking they jumped up and followed him out the door. But it was too late Brian Hassett was nowhere to be seen.

    “So now what are we suppose to do!?” yelled Stingray in frustration.

    Tom trying to calm him down said, “Hey now don’t panic we can still have a great night. We know how to party hardy too!”

    “Yeah…. I guess you’re right, but where do we start?”

    “Well that’s easy,” replied Tom, “First thing we need to do is get hammered!”

    “Yeahhhhhhhhh!” agreed Stingray. The first place they came to that looked interesting was a club called iT.

    “Look,” said Tom, “All those people are dressed funny that looks like a great place to start!” They wondered inside and ended up wondering back outside two hours later. Unfortunately they had not had a good time at all. Although they drank and socialized with all the friendly guys in the place their fun was abruptly brought to an end when one of the men asked for Tom’s phone number. Then Tom and Stingray went through a series of revelations when they realized they had wondered into a gay club. After running out of the club and regaining their composure they decided to try another club. Next they tried to get into Club More. Again they were let down, because when they reached the entrance the bouncer told them they could not enter because they were too old. Angry but not discouraged they moved on to look for another place to party. Soul Kitchen was the next club they walked into. They literally walked in because there was no line to get in. They pushed open the door and looked around, there was no one inside either! Tom and Stingray were confused. They looked at each other then shrugged.

    “Woooooooooo!” cried Tom as he danced to the disco music that was playing.

    “Yeeeehawwww!” shouted Stingray as he flew around the dance floor in a pair of roller skates that he had found abandoned. Tom went behind the bar and began helping himself to the drinks. He was soon joined by Stingray. They were enjoying themselves for the first time that night when suddenly a fireman flew over the bar toward Tom and Stingray.

    “Ahhhhhhhhh” screamed Tom and Stingray instantly. Tom reached out for something to beat the fireman with. The first thing his hands touched was Stingray. Without thinking Tom picked up Stingray and threw him at the fireman. Stingray hit the fireman across the head and knocked him out. Tom helped Stingray up and they stood together examining the fireman.

    Tom said, “I don’t know why he is here, but we better get him outside.”

    Stingray shrugged and picked up the fallen fireman. As they stepped out the door they were met by a huge crowed. Instantly the crowed burst into cheers and applause. Tom and Stingray exchanged confused glances before the police ran up and escorted them to a police car. Without any words of explanation the police took the fallen fireman from them and pushed them into police cars.

    “What-” Tom began but the police man threatened.

    “Shut up or I’ll shoot the crap out of you!” Stingray and Tom were silent for the rest of the ride. Once at the station they were questioned thoroughly. The Police wanted to know why they had set the club on fire. Apparently Soul Kitchen was on fire. The fireman had gone in to make sure there was no one inside. Tom and Stingray denied the charges, so the police asked how they got inside to save the fireman and how they knew the fireman needed help in the first place. Surprised Tom and Stingray told the real story. But the police didn’t believe them. When they were finally allowed to leave the police station they were told to report back to the station early in the morning to get what they deserved. Upset and with a feeling of loss Tom and Stingray walked back in the direction of their hotels.

    “Oh well,” sighed Stingray as they prepared to part ways, “I guess we’d better prepare our birthday suits.”

    Tom sighed and slumped his shoulders, “I guess we really are too old to party like the young kids.”

    “Yeah”

    “NO!” demanded Brian Hassett. Tom and Stingray jumped at his sudden appearance.

    “What do you mean no?” shouted Stingray, “We’ve had a horrible night! You must be having a bad trip because hanging around in stupid clubs, getting told you are too old, partying by yourself in a burning club, and then getting hauled to the police station is not a great night!”

    Brian looked at Stingray with a cool calm look. “No Stingray,” he continued, “We CAN party hard like the younger people. As a matter of fact I think we party harder.”

    Breaking in Tom added, “I know that, Brian and you know that but we just don’t have any more time to do anything else tonight. See?” He pointed off into the sky where it was beginning to get lighter.

    “Yeah! And we have to go BACK to the police station before the race starts again!” Yelled Stingray struggling to keep from hitting Brian.

    Brian shook his head impatiently and said, “No my friends we have all the time in the world because I have this.” Brian held up what appeared to be a small hour glass.

    “But how-” began Stingray.

    “This is a time turner.” There was a pause. “You know,” said Brian impatiently, “from the Harry Potter books? I went to Hogwarts and stole this thing from a little girl, after locking her in a closet. Believe me it was harder than is sounds because there were these other two boys. One with black hair and one with red hair and they kept pointing sticks at me. I was afraid they were going to throw them at me but they never did. I ended up beating them up and feeding them to a three headed dog I found on the third floor.”

    Tom stared at Brian in disbelieve, “You locked a little girl in the closet?”

    “Yes, yes never mind that though we have a party to get to!” Brian twisted the time turner and Woosh!

    Tom, Stingray, and Brian flew back in time to earlier that night. They cautiously walked up the street. When to their surprise they saw themselves taking to the young group of partiers. They quickly ducked into a side ally.

    “Wow!” whispered Tom, “We really have gone back in time!”

    “Right,” added Brian, “but we must keep from being seen by ourselves! Understand?”

    “Yes” replied Tom and Stingray.  Just then Tom, Stingray, and Brian ran past their hiding spot on their way to the coffee shop.

    “Okay boys now that we are gone… ha...  lets go for round two!”

    “Okay guys where should we go?” asked Brian.

    Tom rubbed his hands together and said with a horrible gleam in his eye, “Lets go to Club More!”  Stingray gasped and threw his hands over his mouth.

    “What?  What’s wrong?” asked Brian.

    “We tried to go there our first time and they wouldn’t let us in.”

    “Yeah,” responded Tom, “but ‘we’ will be at that gay club for a while so we have time to try again.”

    “Gay Club?”

    Tom and Stingray ignored Brian.

    “Yeah I guess you are right.”

    “Let’s go then!” cried Tom and off they went dragging a confused Brian behind them.  Soon they were in the line waiting to get into the club.

    They only waited for a little while before Brian said, “Hey lets not wait in line, lets just go in.”

    Stingray cocked an eyebrow at Brian and asked, “And just how do you propose we do that?” Out of nowhere Brian slung a cloak out and over their heads.

    “What, what is all this?” demanded Stingray.

    Brian smiled, “Remember those two boys I fed to the three headed dog?  Well one of them had this cloak that turns you invisible!  I call it the ‘You can’t see us you losers’ cloak.”

    With that the three of them snuck inside.  They spent the whole night there partying and drinking.  When they finally left it was starting to get light out.  They stopped far away from their hotels and watched themselves go back in time.

    “Well,” Brian said after they had gone, “Looks to me like we have one more night ahead of us.”

    “I’m all for that!” agreed Stingray.

    Tom let out an agreeing, “Woooooooooo YeeeeeeeeeHawwwww!” then he stumbled and fell.  As Stingray helped Tom up, Brian pulled a camera from out of nowhere.

    “What is that for?” asked Stingray while keeping Tom from running after a couple of young girls that walked by.

    “Well for our last night we should keep track of what happens.  I figure them young guys can come up with a pretty good story or they could get really drunk and forget.  But not us we know better!  We will have picture evidence tomorrow when we wake up!  And all those other guys will have is a headache!”

    All three of them laughed as they once again went back in time.  They all went back the last time with quite a lot of alcohol in their systems.  So they started into the drugs.  It didn’t take long for them to lose track of themselves.

    The next morning came very soon for Tom who was woken up very abruptly by Brian, “Get up! We need to go the race is about to start again!”

    Tom sat up and rubbed his head.  He blinked and looked up just in time to see the girls leaving the room. He looked around carefully, they were not in their hotel rooms, there were three separate rooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen in this place.

    “Well,” he thought to himself, “at least we didn’t disturb our teammates.”  He looked down and all over the floor he saw pictures.  He started to pick them up and look at them.  In one he saw himself doing LSD while Brian and Stingray laughed in the background.  There was another one where he and his party buddies were having a Boot Chugging Contest and another one of them with Willie Nelson shot gunning a joint for Tom.  He snickered when he came to a picture of Stingray getting a tattoo put on is butt. Tom looked hard at the next picture he came to.  It was a picture of a person in a window display like the ladies in the red light district.  He looked closer and closer.

    Brian rushed by again, “Come on Tom get dressed we have to go.”  He paused as he noticed the picture Tom was looking at.

    “That is you in the window Tom.   Just wait until you see the line that was outside.”

    Brian snatched the picture away and gathered up all the rest of them up, “We can look at all the rest of these later, we need to go now!”

 
The Younger Night

    Jorge, Taylor, Owens, and Charles hadn’t gone far when they stopped to strategize.  Jorge had the bright idea to kick the night off with a shot of one of Europe’s more famous spirits, Absinthe.  But they weren’t quite sure where to get it.

    Owens stopped a local and, with the help of an ‘English to Dutch’ handbook, asked him, “Um... Waar... kan wij... um... krijgt sommige... absinthe?”

    “Absint…” said the man, “la Fée Verte?”

    After briefly pondering the man’s switch from Dutch to French, Owens responded, “Um… yea… waar kan wij krijgt sommige?”

    The man laughed and said, “Bar Bep.”

    “Bar Bep?” asked Jorge.

    “Ja,” responded the man.

    “Thanks… or… um… Dank u!” answered Owens.

    So the three of them beat a path for Bar Bep.  Upon arrival they found a mixed crowd of chatting locals, pre-clubbers, non tourist tourists, and of course other absintheurs.

    Jorge walked proudly up to the bar and said, “We would like some… wait… Wij willen absinthe.”

    “Vier absint, onmiddellijk!” said the enthusiastic bar tender.  He then reached back for a bottle of green liquid, slotted absinthe spoons, and other accoutrements.  The bar tender began to speak, “Deed u weet...”

    Jorge stopped him, “Wij spreken Nederlands niet.”

    “Ah,” said the bar tender, “Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”

    “No,” answered Owens.

    “Parlez-vous le français?”

    “Um… no,” said Sheriff Charles.

    “Вы говорите на русском языке?”

    “What?” asked Jorge.

    “żHabla usted espańol?”

    “Oow!  I know this one!” yelled Taylor, “Yo no hablo espańol!”

    “Okay, then…” said the bar tender, “do you speak english?”

    “Yea, that one!” said Jorge.

    “Okay,” responded the bar tender, “did you know that absinthe is derived from herbs including the flowers and leaves of the medicinal plant Artemisia absinthium?”

    He poured four absinthes as he spoke.  Jorge, Charles, Owens, and Taylor didn’t seem to care much about the little history lesson they were being given.  They watched as he added three parts ice-cold water the four dosages of absinthe.  The drinks began louching.  The effect was neat enough to catch their attention but curious enough to merit a question.

    “Now what was that for?” Taylor asked.

    “Oh, well, the water dissolves added sugar to add sweetness,” answered the bar tender.

    “Oh,” said Jorge, “neat.”

    They all paused as the bar tender said, “Geniet van.”

    Each of them slowly reached for his own glass.  They paused once more before simultaneously downing the drinks.  They found it to have a light bitterness but as well an added complexity imparted by the multiple herbs.

    “Wow,” said Taylor, “that was…”

    His words were cut short.  There before them in the place the bar tender had just been was Hermes, Olympian god of boundaries and of the travelers who cross them.

    “Oh, boy,” said Owens. “You again.”

    “Don’t worry, David,” replied Hermes, “I’ve got good news for you this time.  Zeus has requested an audience with you on Mount Olympus.”

    “Well how are we gonna get there?” asked Charles.

    Hermes gave them a crooked smile and snapped his fingers.  In a brilliant flash of light they were wisped away to Mount Olympus and sat down in front of Zeus’ thrown.  They looked up in astonishment as Zeus raised his hand and began to speak.

    “Charles Dubya!” boomed Zeus.

    Sheriff Charles paused for a moment raised his hand to Zeus and said, “Zeus!”

    “You have impressed me,” continued Zeus, “The way you handled Cerberus back in Rome was admirable… worthy of the god’s recognition.”

    “Oh,” said Charles, “Well… you know… ‘twasn’t no big thang.  Just doin’ what any brave citizen might do in the sity’ation.”

    Zeus gave a laugh, “Well, as a reward for your bravery and ‘humility’ we have prepared a grand party for you here tonight on Mount Olympus.”

    Zeus clapped his hands and another god came walking into the thrown room.  It was Dionysus, god of wine.

    “Everyone,” said Dionysus, “let the party begin!”  With that the entire thrown room was flooded with the Olympians and other gods.  Every form of alcohol imaginable was at their fingertips.  Dionysus had only to snap his fingers and the four mortals were readily tended to by wild women flush with wine.  Zeus introduced them to the Muses.  The Muses played their music, which brings joy to any who hear it.  After they sang, Jorge talked his way into a dance with Terpsichore.  But he was out done by Charles, Owens, and Taylor who were asked to dance by Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia.

    Things got a little tense when Poseidon and Hades showed up.  But a quick glance from Zeus and they were ready to party and forget the unpleasantries back in Rome.

    The night carried on and the wine flowed freely.  The drunker Apollo became the worse the music became, but luckily everyone else was too drunk to realize the music was becoming bad.  Zeus and Guy Taylor stripped down to their birthday suits and went for a drunken screaming jog around Mount Olympus.  Hermes and Dionysus were helping Sheriff Charles’ with his fifth beer bong. Hebe was dancing topless on a table and Eros was drunkenly trying to ask her to bed.  Hebe had become so drunk she was blowing kisses at Hephaestus.  Hephaestus would blush and look away chanting to himself, “You’re married, you’re married.”  Eris was sitting in the corner fuming about not being included and thinking about causing the third world war because of it.  She tried to get Ares to make the other gods let her join in.  But Ares was engrossed with arm wrestling David Owens.  Aphrodite was drunkenly using her magical girdle that compels anyone she wishes to desire her on Owens, but Ares had a firm grip on Owens’ arm in fear that someone stronger may want to come along and arm wrestle him.

    Hera went into an alcohol fuelled rage when she caught Zeus making out with some mortal woman he’d brought up from earth.  She walked right up to Dionysus and punched him in the gut to relieve her frustration.  Dionysus, in return, threw up all over the place much to the amusement of Sheriff Charles, Guy Taylor, and Hermes who began laughing uncontrollably.

    Hephaestus heard the laughter and turned to see what was going on.  He caught sight of his wife, Aphrodite, trying to seduce Owens and Ares.  Painful memories came up and he started over to do something.  On his way he slipped in Dionysus’ vomit and fell flat on his face, which earned even more laughter from Charles, Taylor, and Hermes.

    Demeter and Artemis seemed to be the only ones sober.  Demeter had been drinking although she had also consumed a lot of bread. She was lecturing Persephone about her husband Hades again.

    In the middle of the lecture Demeter stopped and giggled to herself, “Icy Dwarf.”

    Poseidon overheard Demeter and turned to Hades, “Icy Dwarf!  You’re an Icy Dwarf!”

    “Oh… Oh yea!” replied Hades in a drunken slur, “Well you… you’re… um… widely worshiped by seamen… that makes you gay!”  Having said this Hades fell over passed out.

    Artemis was trying to stop Eros from harassing Hebe and also trying to discourage Jorge from taking Athena to bed.  Jorge ignored Artemis’ warnings that Athena was Zeus’ favorite child.  But Jorge became more adamant upon discovering Athena’s virginity.  Then Jorge found out that Artemis herself was a virgin as was Hestia.  Suddenly Jorge was putting the moves on all three goddesses.  He was moments away from taking Hestia, Artemis, and Athena to bed when suddenly a familiar voice rang out.

    “Good stuff, hu?”  It was the bar tender from Bar Bep.  Jorge, Taylor, Charles, and Owens shook their heads one good time and looked around.  They were still in Bar Bep.  The whole thing had been a hallucination.

    “Hey,” said Sheriff Charles, “What happen’ to that funny lil’ fella’ with th’ wings on’is hat’n shoes?  He’s a hoot, wa’n’t he!”

    The bar tender rolled his eyes, “Non plus Fée Verte pour vous les gars.”  He shelved the absinthe.

    They decided the night was still young and ordered more drinks.  As the night wore on they continued to become more and more inebriated.  Coincidentally the loud and boisterous southern American males they became as a result was almost accepted by the others in the bar… for a while.  After another round of shots Jorge began to wonder where Charles had disappeared to.  Owens and Taylor scanned the bar.  Taylor found Charles sitting over in a corner.

    “Who’s that with him?” asked Owens.  Charles was sucking the face off of a very masculine looking woman.

    “Is that… a… man?” Jorge asked.  Owens, Taylor, and Jorge all began to gag.

    The bar tender spoke up at this, “No, she isn’t a man.”  The three racers breathed a sigh of relief.  “She used to be though,” added the bar tender.

    “Awww!!!!” exclaimed Jorge, “Ik moest dat niet weten!”

    “U vroeg,” responded the bar tender, “Bovendien welke verkeerde met dat?”

    “Wat is verkeerd met dat!?” yelled a disgusted Jorge, “Wat is verkeerd met dat!? Ik zal u vertellen wat verkeerd met is dat u sigaret vervloek die communist houdt van! De bijbel zegt dat u gene man zou moeten houden van indien u een man bent! En te welke zelf dat rode volbloed amerikaanse man acht, zou willen een vrouw in ieder geval geworden te worden!? Er is niets dan houdend van veel boom liberale wussies over hier!”

    “U dronken zoon van een hoer!” yelled an enraged local.

    The local made his way over to Jorge with the intent of beating the crap out of him.  But Owens happened to look up and he saw an opportunity for a great fight.  As the local swung Owens blocked and struck back.  He then snatched up the local and tossed him over the bar into the shelves of alcohol.  This caused a storm of angry drunken locals to descend upon Owens.  However, in a style oddly reminiscent of old Popeye cartoons, Owens was fending off every attacker.

    As Owens destroyed the bar and everyone in it, Jorge, Taylor, and Charles struck up a drinking game.  For every person that Owens hit, they’d take a shot.  For every person that hit him, they’d take two shots.  Owens knocked one guys block off with a stiff right, and the others took a shot.  A second man clocked Owens in the back of the head, Owens spun around and connected with an elbow to the nose, and the others took three shots.  A third guy got punched in the gut and thrown threw a window.  Jorge, Taylor, and Charles were impressed and took ten shots.  The fighting and drinking went on for a few minutes longer before the four racers were unceremoniously tossed out of the bar.

    As they stood up and dusted themselves off Taylor asked, “Okay… what now?”

    No sooner had he spoken the words than a large group of beautiful women came walking down the street.  They paused in front of Taylor and the lead woman said, “Blik! Een Amerikaanse Jongen!”  They snatched up Taylor and one of them said, “Zal u houdt van naar… how you say… fornicate?”

    Taylor gave an awkward smile and said, “Sure!”

    With that Jorge, Charles, and Owens watched as Taylor and the girls disappeared around the corner.

    “Okay,” said Owens, “NOW what?”

    Jorge paused for a moment before an excited expression filled his face, “Wij gaan naar De Wafel Huis!”

 

The Host's Night

    JTR and Girl Taylor had found their way to a place called Café Belgique.  They decided to each try something new.  Girl Taylor had a Vlo, which is a beer specially produced by the local ‘t IJ brewery for the beer shop De Bierkoning, a truly top-class original Dutch beer.  JTR tried a winter beer called N’ice Chouffe.  However JTR wasn’t much of a beer drinker so he produced two bottles of his own moonshine from his jacket.  He and Girl Taylor had been sitting, drinking, and talking of love, heart ache, and whatever was funny enough to make them giggle for some time now.

    “I’ve been shot before.” JTR said as he swished the shine around in its jar.

    Girl Taylor’s eyes widened, “No way!  Where?”

    JTR leaned in close and pointed at his eye, “Right there.  Cupid shot me in m’ damn eye!”

    Taylor slammed her drink against the table, “Dumb ass Cupid.”

    JTR began again, “I had to ask god to forgive me of that stupid sin.  That stupid sin that was mine… even though it was done before I did it!”

    Taylor took another drink, “Stupid dumb ass Cupid.”

    JTR continued, “Stupid dumb ass Cupid.  See… now… cause a him I was wantin’ to be heard were there was no ear… ya know?  I was… I was mad in pursuit an’ I never got possession but I’m sure I would’a been mad there too.  It was blissful during the chase but it proved to be a real woe, ya know.  I could’a carved my name in a marble stone quicker’n pierce her heart with a song.  Everyone knows it’s bad to lust after folks, but no one… no one knows how’da look away from these false heavens that lead to true hells.  Ha!”  JTR took a mighty swig from his mason jar, “Vengeance shall fall on my disdain!  Ya know… ya know what she did?  She made a game of my honest pain!  Well, soon enough… you’ll see… she’ll know beauty but lent, and she’ll… she’ll wish and want just like I did!”

    Taylor looked at John intently and said, “But, now, I thought you an’ Alora are still really close?”

    JTR looked back at her and giggled, “We are.  I’m’a talkin’ ‘bout this other stupid girl that I fell in lust with.  Then she left an’ Alora came along an’ I found out I was happier with her cause she… I love her for her… ya know?”

    “Who was the other girl?”

    JTR paused and the whispered, “Kino.”

    Taylor noticed his eyes fall and changed the subject, “So, you… you never got shot in the eye?”

    “No, silly!  Cupid’s arrow’s a freakin’ image we carve for ourselves so we can blame some one else when we stupidly lust after some stupid stupid-head!”  JTR seemed to sober himself for a brief moment before continuing with his rant, “But now… now, Alora… wow, she… she… um… when I see her all that seems fair in the world seems then mean or… or in her summed up, ya know?  Man, in her contained and in her looks, which from that time infused sweetness into my heart, unfelt before, and into all things from her air inspired the spirit of love and amorous delight.  She is too good to me.  I wish… I wish I could’a done better for her.”

    Taylor looked at JTR and said, “She liked you jus’ the way you are.”

    To which JTR replied, “Liked...”  There is a brief uncomfortable pause before JTR continues, “I ‘member… I ‘member that one night… man… that night was a long time comin’… all day I’s yellin’ at Phoebus’ fiery-footed steeds to gallop apace toward… um… Phoebus’ lodging.  Now… had it been Phaeton he’d’a whooped them horses to the west and brought in cloudy night immediately.  I… I had bought the mansion of love but had not yet possessed it… you know.  But man… when I beheld her quaint honor… which to behold my tempt alone.  I tell ya, I was like… like, um… Hercules… yea, goin’ into the garden of the Hesperides, you know?  I got me some of that fruit… yea, fruit.  You know no one… no one can really describe that fruit ‘less they’ve pulled or shooken down some of that fruit from that there… um… golden tree.” JTR took another drink from his mason jar, “And man I was like, ‘O lente, lente currite noctis equi!’ you know?  Then I wished the night were never done and I… I sighed to think of the approaching sun because… um… it grieved me to think that bright daylight should know pleasure of that blessed night.  I mean… I was… I was the one who took that which so long and so… so carefully she kept.  But…” his eyes fell and the cheery demeanor seemed to leave his face as he spoke this time, “I have to think… on something she said when the bond broke.  On that night did our nerves fail or…” JTR seemed to be talking to himself now more than Taylor and he almost whispered when he continued, “The expense of spirit in a waste of shame is… enjoyed no sooner but despised straight.  Before, a joy proposed and behind a dream.  The entire world well knows but yet none knows well.” JTR’s eyes seemed to fill with anger as his train of thought changed tracks, “That it should come to this… the knot held four years and then only two months set on my mourning score… no… not quite two before she…”  JTR sighed and took another shot of his whisky, “O that the everlasting had not fixed his cannon ‘gainst self-slaughter… not that I would but… if only...  You know… I wouldn’t ask the winds of heaven to visit her face too roughly, but yet almost within a month-” JTR calmed a little, sighed, and swished his drink around again, “A beast that wants discourse of reason would’ve mourned longer, but no!  It isn’t, or can’t come to good, but… break my heart… I must hold my tongue!”

    Taylor shook her head and giggled, “I don’t understand a damn thing you’re sayin’.”

    JTR giggled as well, “Well, care then who list!”

    Another voice chimed in, “…………….”

    JTR and Taylor gasped, “She did WHAT!!!”  The two turned to see Woody, captain of Team Save the Trees, facing them.

    “Well, I hope you left her for it,” Taylor added, “She disserves to be the victim of her own crime!”

    Woody spoke up again, “…………….”

    Girl Taylor blushed, and JTR giggled then said, “I guess that makes up for it.”

    “……………….,” continued Woody.

    “Oh, well… congratulations!” said Taylor, “How many children do you have?”

    “…,” answered Woody.

    “I bet they’re a bunch’a handsome pieces of wood,” JTR added.  Girl Taylor began to giggle uncontrollably at this.

    “Handsome wood,” she giggled.  “I’ll bet he’s got handsome wood!”  JTR giggled along with her for a moment before they settled back down.

    “Ah, me,” said JTR, “Well, lets get outta here… maybe head over to De Wallen.  After all… until I labor, I’ll in labor lie.”

    “……………..” remarked Woody.

    “Yeah you’re right,” said JTR, “I guess sobering up would be a good idea.”

    “……………..?” asked Woody.

    “Sure you can,” answered JTR, “You just gotta have the right stuff.”  He reached into his jacket and produced a second bottle of moonshine.  “This is my sober-shine.  You drink this to sober up.”

    “Wow,” said Taylor, “What won’t they think of next?”    JTR and Taylor each took a sip and immediately became sober.  However, much to Taylor’s surprise, they still felt rather happy and carefree.

    “That was neat.” she said.

    “My own recipe.” JTR added.

    As JTR, Taylor, and Woody were getting ready to leave the door swung open.  In walked five ominous figures each dressed in dark cloths.  JTR looked up and his eyes happened to catch a glimpse of the letters on the men’s jackets.  It read in big bold letters, “PETA.”  JTR began to ease his hand toward his gun but the five PETA thugs noticed and reached for there guns.

    “Hold it!” came a voice from outside.  In stepped Ingrid Newkirk, President of PETA.  At her side was Dan Mathews.

    “And just who are you?” JTR asked.

    “That’s Ingrid Newkirk,” said Girl Taylor, “President of PETA, militant activist, and avowed supporter of the terrorist Animal Liberation Front.”

    “What?” said JTR.

    “She’s also been arrested at least twenty times,” added Taylor.

    “How… how do you know that?” asked JTR.

    “Um… Internet.” replied Taylor.

    “If we may disperse with the small talk,” said Ingrid, “where is that damn vehicle?”

    “Why Ms. Newkirk… are we cross?” asked JTR.

    Ingrid’s face showed no expression, “Don’t get cute with me Mr. Ray, I want that vehicle.”

    “Cute?” replied JTR, “No ones getting cute.”  Ingrid snapped a finger and the five PETA thugs drew their guns.

    “Does this mean we’re not friends anymore?” said JTR, “You know, Ingrid, if I thought you weren’t my friend… I just don’t know if I could bare it.”  The other folks in the bar were on edge expecting a fight to break out.

    “Hey, wait,” said Dan Mathews, “I know who this punk is.  It’s John T. Ray.”

    “Who?” said Ingrid.

    “He’s another one of those animal provoking TV show hosts,” answered Dan, “he ‘captures’ and ‘relocates’ poor defenseless animals.  And what makes it worse is he does it to some of the rarest animals in the world.”

    “Wait a minute,” said JTR with a spark of recognition, “I know you!  You’re Dan Mathews, the freak that said all those nasty things about Steve Irwin!”

    A disgusted look came across Dan’s face, “It’s no surprise to me that Irwin died provoking a dangerous animal.  He made his whole career out of antagonizing frightened wild animals!”

    “That’s not true!” yelled Taylor.

    “The hell it’s not!” responded Ingrid, “Well, well, well… it looks like we have a chance to destroy that vehicle and kill another animal antagonizer.”

    JTR drew in a ragged breath as the sound of five guns being cocked met his ear.  This was surely the end for him.  But suddenly the door swung open and in walked five new figures.

    “Man the operation worked perfectly,” came the voice of one of the new figures.  Everyone stopped and turned around.  What they saw was five stingrays standing on muscley legs and with hulking arms.  The five stingrays paused when they saw Dan Mathews.

    “Hey!” said the lead stingray, “Its PETA!  We heard what you guys said about Steve Irwin!  Get’em boyz!”

    Without warning the world exploded into action.  The five stingrays leapt at the five PETA thugs who turned and fired.  Most of their shots were ill aimed and the stingrays’ fists found the thugs’ faces.  Dan Mathews went for his gun but JTR pulled his first and fired.  Dan was able to stumble behind a table that had been overturned.  JTR leapt behind the bar.  Taylor and Woody took cover with the other frightened customers.  The stingrays and the thugs were locked in a fierce bar brawl.  JTR and Dan found themselves in the middle of a gun fight.  Ingrid Newkirk never moved from her spot.  As a matter of fact she hardly paid any attention to the fact that a fight had started.

    JTR and Dan depleted their bullets rather quickly and then came at each other with fire in their eyes.  JTR drop kicked Dan in the face and he went down but, much to JTR’s surprise, came up with a knife.  JTR ducked under his shot with the knife picked up a chair and busted it across Dan’s face.

    The two of them crashed through the room taking out anything unfortunate enough to be in their way, and then tumbled over the bar spilling all forms of alcohol all over the place.  One of the PETA thugs managed to fight his stingray down and took another shot.  Again the shot was miss aimed, ricocheted off the bar, and in a very Hollywood turn of events ignited the alcohol.

    Taylor and Woody cringed as the fire added new almost oddly romantic light to the very chaotic room.  JTR and Dan came up from behind the bar.  JTR took a bottle and cracked it against the bar.  Dan found a bottle of his own.  They came at each other again.

    The PETA thug’s and the stingray’s fight had crashed through the front door into the street.  JTR and Dan were all over each other.  Ingrid had become rather bored with the whole affair.  She reached down and produced a gun of her own.  She pointed the gun toward the fray between JTR and Dan.

    “John!” yelled Taylor, “Look out!”

    A shot echoed through the bar and the two combatants froze.  JTR looked at Dan and he looked back.  They both slowly turned toward Ingrid who was pointing a smoking gun their direction.  JTR and Dan looked back at each other.

    JTR grimaced at the pain.  But then he picked up his foot off the broken glass he was standing on.  Dan fell to the floor in a pool of blood.  JTR turned his attention to Ingrid.

    “Surprised?” she asked, “He was causing this organization unwanted bad attention.”

    “You don’t agree with him?” asked JTR.

    “Oh, no, I agree with him,” she answered, “But to vocalize it in excess to a public who loves the man he’s down speaking… not bright.  Anyway, I don’t approve of you either, so time to take a dirt nap.”

    JTR’s eyes widened.  There was nowhere to hide, he couldn’t escape this.  As Ingrid’s finger squeezed down on the trigger time seemed to slow down.  The sound of the shot filled the air and the bullet started across the room.

    “No!” yelled Girl Taylor.

    JTR saw the bullet coming at him in slow motion but there was nothing he could do.  Suddenly something else came flying across the room.  It was Woody.  Time sped back up and the bullet caught Woody in the “chest.”  JTR immediately fell to the ground and scooped up one of the discarded PETA guns.  He fired two shots that caught Ingrid in the stomach.  Ingrid’s gun hand dropped to her side and she fell to her knees.  A drip of blood ran from her mouth.  She blinked, smirked, and fell over dead.

    JTR tossed the gun aside and jumped back to his feet.  Girl Taylor and JTR rushed over to where Woody lay in a pool of splinters.  JTR took Woody up in his arms.

    “Woody,” said JTR, “come on Woody.”

    “………………..” said Woody.

    “Don’t say that!” answered JTR, “You’re gonna be okay.”

    “…………………………………………………..” replied Wood.

    “Woody…” JTR interrupted.  But Woody would not be interrupted.

    “………!……………………………?………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………!!!……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………?……………?…………?………………………!!!……………………………………………………………………………………………” Woody coughed up a few splinters and Girl Taylor wiped them away.  Woody continued, “…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………?…………………!……………………?……………………!………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………!!!………………………………………………………………………………………………………………?……………………………!……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..”

    “I will,” said JTR, “I will.”

    And with that Woody went cold and JTR could feel that life had left that brave piece of wood that had just saved his life.  Taylor couldn’t hold it back; the tears came like a storm.  JTR gripped Woody’s lifeless body as a tear ran down his own cheek.

    JTR through his head toward the sky and yelled, “NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

    JTR sat on the street corner, head in hands, as the police and paramedics cleaned up the mess from the fight.  The flashing lights silhouetted Girl Taylor’s figure as she walked up behind JTR.  She looked down at him.  The whole reason they had been in that bar drinking is because JTR was trying to cheer her up.  She glanced back at the bar.  Thanks to team Kittens’ Lucas Film pays for everything they do in Amsterdam prize, everything that went on at Café Belgique was covered.  She turned back to JTR.  It was her turn to cheer him up.

    She sat down on the curb next to him, “Hey,” she began, “How you doin’.”

    JTR slowly looked up, “Fine.”  His voice was low and cracked.

    “No you’re not…” said Taylor.

    “He…” JTR paused.  The whole ordeal that had just happened along with what the conversation had centered around before it started seemed to be swimming in his eyes.  “I held him in my hands… he died in my hands.”

    “I know,” said Taylor, “I was right there…”

    “He was so… carefree…” said JTR, “I mean we were just… just sitting there complaining about how much pain our hearts have dealt with…”

    “John, its okay…”

    “No!” said JTR, “It’s… it’s not okay.  I mean we shouldn’t… we shouldn’t be sitting around on a Saturday night in Amsterdam… sulking about things that we should’ve long since gotten over.”  JTR’s head fell back into his hands.

    Taylor frowned and turned away from him.  She began turning over the night in her head and suddenly she had an epiphany.  JTR was right.  Why should they be sulking?  They were out on a round the world race stopped for a party night in Amsterdam, for god’s sake.  A smile came over her face.

    “Come on John,” she grabbed JTR’s hand and jerked him to his feet, “come on!”

    “What,” JTR said almost grumpy, “Where we going?”

    “Just come on,” She said tugging JTR along, “It’s what Woody would’ve wanted.”

    Taylor led JTR through the streets of Amsterdam in search of something.  She had begun to giggle and laugh at the spontaneity of her plan.  JTR was confused but couldn’t help but begin to join in her laughter.  She followed Raadhuisstraat to Rozengracht and found what she was searching for… Club More.

    “Okay, John,” she said as they approached the queue, “Remember don’t be English.  The British have a bad reputation abroad.”

    “What,” JTR asked in confusion.

    “Just play along.” She said as she by passed the queue and walked straight up to the bouncer.  The bouncer was a hulking Dutch man that could’ve broken both of them in half with little effort.

    Girl Taylor held her head high and began to speak, “Hoi is het vanavond druk?”  JTR looked up at the bouncer trying not to seem nervous.

    The bouncer glared at Taylor, “Ja… Wie zijn u?”

    Taylor proudly responded, “Wij zijn met het Lucas Film koers… um… teams.”

    The bouncer lightened a little, “Zo denkt u dat u slechts juist in kan lopen?”

    “Ja,” answered Taylor very mater of factly.

    “Goed dan,” said the bouncer, “Wees mijn gis jonge dame.”

    “Bedankt.” said Taylor, “en hier,” she slipped him ten guldens, “Voor uw moeilijkheid.”

    The bouncer smiled, “Bedankt.”

    Taylor walked into the club and JTR followed, “I didn’t know you spoke Dutch.”

    Taylor smiled, “I don’t.”  JTR paused for a moment, very confused and then accepted it and continued to follow.  The club was packed when JTR and Taylor found there way onto the floor.  There was a wild Techno orgy going on.

    “What are we doing here!?” asked JTR, trying to be heard over the music.

    “You were right,” answered Taylor, “Why should we be sulking on a Saturday night in Amsterdam.  Woody would’ve wanted us to be having a good time… living it up!?”

    JTR glanced out at the crowd, “I don’t think we know what we’re getting into here!”

    “Of course not!” responded Taylor, “That’s what makes it so fun!  Who knows what the hell is about to happen!”  JTR smiled and let her lead him out on the dance floor.

    "Hey," said JTR, "Is that Dad, Stingray, and Brian over there?"

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The Critics Agree
"Interesting! That is the word for it! Great job John! I will let you know what is going on in P-town! Then you can let everyone know about Portal,GA!" -Kim Pope
 
"I wish there was more black in it and leather I LOVE leather! (So does my mommy)Shhhh............ I think that my mommy hates you?!? I don't know about that but I did like the Experience he he....." -Cassidy
 
"It was fun.I love your pictures thier allways neat and interesting."
-Kay
 
"Loverly, simply loverly. I especially like the slit exposing 3/4 of the face I am so endeared to. Very mysterious. Furthermore, I like the gossip very muchly. A little hearsay and scandal is good for a website's credentials." -Lacey Young
 
"Wonderful! Busy! Gone to Ga. Love Ya" -Nanny
 
"Good" -Martha Till

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